Malmo & Moss House: Taking our Living Room to the Dark Side

When we moved into the Malmo & Moss house 7 years ago, we inherited a colour scheme with lashings of lilac, the kind of shade favoured by sanitary pad and vaginal wash manufacturers.  Once we had the keys one of our first steps was to de Always Ultra the walls.  As this was 2010 aka 'The Days before Downpipe' going over to the dark side was more likely to be a reference to accidentally crossing the A10 and ending up in Ponders End than applying inky hues to your walls.  So we played it safe and went Wimborne White on the walls in the front room and slipper satin on the floorboards. 

Apologies for the slightly grainy photos, these were taken in the days before my instagram obsession began!

Having said sayonara to #SanitaryPadPurple we were intially happy with the newly decorated living room but, after a while, the combination of the white with draughty floorboards and sash windows insulated with cotton wool started to make it feel like quite a cold room.  After we had the rear extension done to create a kitchen/family room, we started to notice we were using the front room about as often as any of the 25 different fitness dvd I have ever bought. 

Our mission was to find a way to make it warm and cosy whilst retaining the Scandi look I love.  The boringly practical first step was getting a carpet.  In my twenties I was 100% Team Stripped Floorboard but, as time has gone by, I have realised that in some spaces I like to feel a tread between my toes.   Olga at the carpet shop' was desperate to sell us one of those velvet effect carpets favoured by premiership footballers, Russian oligarchs and high end brothels (although obvs have never actually been inside one of those so that is probably a wild sex carpet stereotype) but, much to her chagrin, we went sheep over synthetic and got a loop wool one instead. The next step in upping the warmth was getting rid of the shonky old radiator that was on the wall behind the sofa and replacing it with a vertical one that could actually release heat into the room.  This was an easy project if you ignore the fact that it fell off the wall in the middle of the night initially.

The radiator eyesore although it was a handy spot to balance a cup of tea.

We went for a dark grey radiator because the other huge change we decided upon was going over to the dark side with the colour on the walls.  By that point in 2016 we were pretty much the only people in North London not to have a downpipe feature wall.  But when I brought a sample of it home I just couldn't shake the fact that, in our front room, there was a weird green tinge to it.  So we went back to the Farrow & Ball drawing board and ended up going even darker with Railings.  Because Mr Malmo and I possess the cutting in skills of a pair of toddlers let loose in a crayola factory we got the pros in to apply the paint whilst we went away for the weekend.  

Cutting in not completed by the Crayola twins

This alcove is one of my favourite parts of the room

I was nervous about returning home to see the results, as the last time I had gone over to the dark side was age 13 when I went the full De Niro and died my hair black to play a minor member of the Sharks in West side Story.  Growing up in the North East with a shade of pale skin that is one shade off albino I was perhaps an unusual choice to play as a Puerto Rican and the black hair merely lent me an air of bus station goth instead of hot blooded latino.  Happily this dalliance with the dark side worked out a lot better and we have no #RailingsRegrets.  Everything looked just instantly more dramatic and because we have big Edwardian sash windows we get plenty of light in the room so it never feels gloomy.  Well I say that but my 10 year old niece does refer to it as Auntie B's black front room so maybe it is a little more batcave than I think it is.

Having bold walls has made me a little bit bolder about what I put on them too.  Like this giant wall hanging I fell in love with in the home of @sara_lou_c on instagram (watch out for house tour coming to the blog soon).  It seems that I am not the only one to have fallen head over wall hanging heels as Sara has now set up a lovely website selling them called Fern Art & Interiors.  Whilst it had been love at first sight for me I was a little bit concerned that Mr Malmo would not experience the same level of lust but it turns out he is more of a modern bohemian than I gave him credit for as it didn't even come close to setting off his "What the f#uck have you bought now alarm".   He is also a massive fan of the new, stylish magazine storage solution I was sent by Life Of Riley as we were previously a couple of Living Etcs away from being buried under a magazine mountain.

My rather smart new magazine storage from @mylifeofriley works perfectly with all the other textures

The other big change we made was to replace our oldest sofa which was purchased in the Designers Guild sale nearly a decade ago but had never really recovered from the 4 month's Mr Malmo's brother spent sleeping on it when he had just finished Uni.  Not because he was spilling kebabs and bodily fluids on it (although to be fair he might have been age 21) but because our cat weed on it and his possessions everyday until he finally moved out.  It seems that we had some sort of #CatConservative on our hands who had strong views about the young people of today pulling their bootstraps up and going out to work rather than watching repeats of the Brittas Empire on our sofa. Top of my dream sofa shopping list was a dove grey velvet button backed chesterfield until I remembered that we have 3 boys and that owning a velvet sofa was another thing to add to the "maybe in another 15 years time list" along with driving a car that doesn't look like a variety club minibus and going to work without a bad case of #BananaCrotch.  Having come to my senses, we compromised on the Dixie sofa from Loaf in a brushed cotton finish and it is such a comfy sofa.

The Dixie, don't look too closely at my dodgy paint job behind the sofa

Adding some extra hygge this Autumn with a new throw from Cox & Cox

There are still a few more bits and pieces I would like to do to finish the room off.  The biggest of which is swapping the gas fire for a woodburner #MiddleGlassLifeGoals.  But whilst we save up for that on my more immediate hit list is a new pendant light as I am not sure the chandelier works in here anymore. What do you guys think?  Is it too delicate for the Batcave?

Malmo & Moss Sleeps: The Danish Hamptons

Prior to July this year, if you had said Tisvideleje to me I would have said bless you.  Fast forward 3 months and I still can't pronounce the name of this small village on the Danish coast without sounding like I am gargling mouthwash, but I have found my holiday heaven. The name "Tisvideleje" is derived from "Ti's vælde", meaning a place dedicated to the God Tyr which makes me think that he must be the Danish god of coastal chic.  I discovered Tisvildleje after asking Danish instagrammer Kirsten Skovbon where cool Copenhageners liked to go on holiday in Denmark.  It turns out this is their Hamptons, tucked away on the North coast of Zealand just 80 minutes on the train from Copenhagen.  It takes little bit longer by car but it is a beautifully scenic drive through small towns, woodlands and then the last stretch right by the sea.  

Beautiful beach huts dotted the coast as we drove to Tisvildeleje

Where We Stayed

Obviously ideally I would have been gazing out of the window drinking in the gorgeous nordic scenery listening to a soundtrack of Sigur Ros or something similarly etheral and evocative but being in a car with 3 kids I just had to try and imagine that as Imelda Stanton's Calypso version of A Squash and a Squeeze blared out instead.  With Staunton's jaunty acapella rendition still ringing in our ears, we arrived at what was to be our home in the Hygge Hamptons: the Tisjvidleje Strand Hotel.  

The dining room at the Strand Hotel

My favourite part of the hotel, the gorgeous internal courtyard

I had an instant #ClapboardClimax the moment we pulled up outside.  The hotel oozed Cape Cod being housed in a gorgeous white clapboard building on a hill with front and back terraces filled with pale bamboo furniture.  Inside it was like walking into the pages of Kinfolk with effortlessly stylish designer Danes at every turn.  It quickly became apparent that by having a penis but no ponytail Mr Malmo was horribly off message compared to the rest of the male hotel residents.  With his short back and side from AJ's Barber Shop he was little bit like Alan Sugar to their Joaquin Cortes at breakfast. 

We had an interconnecting family room just off the gorgeous internal courtyard which was my favourite bit of the hotel.  It had pale bamboo sofas with huge squishy cushions to lounge on and the whole area was strung with festoon lights and some very swoonworthy rattan pendant lights.  The room itself was decorated in simple neutral colours although we did have a very un kinfolk rear view of the back of the kitchen and a fire escape.  Am sure that for some trip advisors this would have been a big deal but we were just happy to have two rooms together so we didn't have to spend our evenings playing Scrabble in the toilet so as not to wake the kids.  

Simple but delicious breakfasts

Breakfast was included in the rate and it was lovely to sit sipping tea in a room lit by twinkling candles in the morning with a simple selection of breads, meats and eggs to choose from.  There were lots of young Danish families there and babies are well catered for with very instagram friendly vintage wooden highchairs on offer (although if anyone else has a Highchair Houdini on their hands these are not particularly practical on account of their lack of straps).

Ten minutes down the hill from the hotel was the beach which is overlooked by thatched cottages dotted in behind the dunes with rocky groines leading out to sea.  When I was not trying to stop the toddler from eating sand or locating a small lego catwoman my son buried "under a white rock" on a beach of 10,000 white rocks, I enjoyed channelling my inner Saga Noren and gazing out across the sea to Sweden. 

Saga looks out to sea.......

5 minutes walk the other way from the hotel was the centre of Tisvilde which is dotted with lovely bakeries, cafes and interiors shops.  My favourite cafe was Brod & Vin which bakes Kanelsnegle to die for (pop your elasticated waist trousers on and go and try the chocolate Snegle but be warned there will be no going back to Deliciously Ella's sweet potato brownies after you have opened Pandora's chocolate snegle box).  Just across the road from Brod & Vin was also my favourite shop, No 17 Limited, which blended clothes and interiors together in a way that made you want to remortgage your house and buy everything in the shop.

The Snegle laden counter at Brod & Vin

My favourite shop

We also loved Sommerhaven which was essentially a coffee hut in somebody's front garden.  There was a slide, trampoline and clapboard wendy house so the kids were happy whilst we were getting our caffeine fix.    My favourite part was the pallet seating and cool cushion combo that had me rummaging in skips looking for pallets to recreate the look once we got home.  They also seemed to have mastered the art of planting raised flower beds with plants that blend well together and flourish rather than our own attempts at home which always end in everything dying except mint which then spreads everywhere faster than a veruca at a swimming pool.

I loved the super sweet little wendy house

How do they get those flowerbeds looking so abundant?

Another one of our favourites was the pizza place near the station called Den Rode Tomat because, if I am honest, whilst I love almost everything about Denmark, there comes a point for me when rye bread and pickled herrings just aren't hitting the spot.  At which point I need an injection of melted cheese which this place delivered with knobs on.  It serves great, reasonably priced pizza, has a cool bar made out of a shipping container, a lovely outdoor seating area with mini playground too.  The place we fell most in love with, however, was the Helene Kilde Hotel.

Hello heaven on earth

Helenekilde is located right above the beach in a stunning white house which was originally built as a summer home by a construction magnate called Mr. Grüner for his wife in 1896.  Oh to be Mrs Grüner! In 1904 it was converted into a summer and seaside boarding house and then, in 2008, was renovated into the paradise that it is today by former ballet dancer Alexander Kølpin.  He also owns the Strand Hotel where we stayed so is clearly a major #DanishHamptonsMogul. It has a gorgeous veranda, outdoor terrace and gardens that stretch down to the sea.  When we were there people were preparing for a birthday party winding hundreds of fairy lights into the bushes and hanging photographs from the trees.  What I wouldn't have given to be a guest at that party.  Inside is just as beautiful as outside with log burners for the winter months and lots of hygge corners to hideaway in.

A gorgeous gallery wall in the reception area

I am hoping for a lottery win before we next visit so that we can check in.  We would probably be a few Kroner closer to that dream if I hadn't discovered Esther's Garage on the road out of Tisvileleje.  It is doesn't look like much at first glance but inside it is a complete treasure trove of homeware both contemporary and vintage, all beautifully curated and displayed.

Esthers Garage

If you want to explore a little further up the coast then I cannot recommend a day trip to Elsinore highly enough and not because I am a #HugeHamletBuff.  Bear with me when I say it is, in fact, because of the Maritime Museum.  Don' t worry, I am not a secret naval nerd, I don't know my port from my starboard.  But you don't have to be interested in boats to enjoy this place.  Converted from an old dry dock, the interior is an industrial luxe lovers dream being hewn out of concrete with huge panels of architectural glass.  But it is not just the building that is stunning.  Everything had been so beautifully curated that at times I forgot I was learning about Danish maritime history and just stood spell bound by huge, scrolling projections of old shipping routes.  

One of the stunning video installations at the Martime Museum

It strikes a great balance in appealing to both adults and kids.  When we visited, there was a treasure hunt for the boys to do which ended in a lego workshop room where boxes as big as sheds all filled with lego awaited them.  If you can tear them away from that lego mega load, then be sure to take in the cafe which is housed in an exposed concrete atrium and will take your breath away.

Have you ever seen a museum cafe like it?

We returned home from our trip to Tisvildeleje dreaming of owning a cabin on this stretch of coast but alas only Danish residents are able to buy property in Denmark.  So, whilst I wait for an answer back fromPeter Schmeichelto my bigamous marriage proposal, I will have to settle for the best Air BnB has to offer instead.  I figure this one would do.  If you would like to get your hygge on in the Danish Hamptons then read more here.  

Malmo and Moss Meets: Littlewood Life

My best friend at University was Northern Irish so, in between discovering that if you put Baileys into Sambuca it creates a drink that tastes a lot like vomit suspended in petrol, I heard a lot of tales of Finn McCool and the Giants Causeway.  My dad's family are actually all Northern Irish but my Grandma Phoebe was the family Black Sheep so we didn't go back to Belfast when I was growing up.   Although that didn't stop me alluding to relatives off the Shankill Road if I was trying to sound a bit gangsta at high school (which wasn't really required that much growing up in a small market town in Northumberland).   Whereas at one time Eamon Holmes represented the pinnacle of Northern Irish totty, these days Jamie Dornan has a new generation of ladies rushing to storm Stormont.  However, since joining Instagram I have discovered that as well cuddly news presenters and sexy TV pyschopaths, Northern Ireland also has a strong stock of stylish lifestyle bloggers of which my absolute favourite is Emma of @littlewoodlife.

It was this picture that first made me click follow on Emma's instagram, I am a sucker for a suspended twig

Emma's fireplace has me dreaming of using brickslips to add a bit of texture into our house

Emma grew up not far from where she lives now with husband Andrew and their three kids although, as Emma points out, nowhere is too far away from anywhere else in Northern Ireland. Where Northern Ireland is definitely far away from if you don't use a plane to get there is London.   13 hours away to be precise.  I discovered this 10 years ago after my irrational aviation fear lead me to elect to travel to a wedding in Belfast by a combination of Megabus and ferry.  5 minutes after pulling out of Victoria Coach Station a large Balkan man in the seat behind me whispered through the gap in the seats "You look nice"  causing me to spend approximately 12 hrs and 48 mins of the journey wondering whether i would be able to use my doors keys as numchucks should he try and abduct me when we stopped at the services in Stoke-on-Trent.  

An indoor tree tha thrives, I need to know Emma's secret

Having taught in a fairly gritty secondary school for some years before becoming a blogger am fairly sure Emma would have had my Balkan Bus Pervert sorted out in no time.  Think Michelle Pfieffer in Dangerous Minds and Mrs McCluskey from Grange Hill all rolled into one feisty Northern Irish package.  Sticking teaching out long enough for husband Andrew to qualify as an architect, the Pfieffer McCluskey years also helped the couple get on the property ladder.  First with a little semi which was then traded in for a detached house doer uper. Having gained a taste for renovation, Emma and Andrew seized the opportunity to build their own home when a plot of family land came up.  I really need to encourage my mum and dad to become more expansive land owners, my dad hasn't even succeeded in securing a coveted council alottment yet because, in his own words, not enough people are dying in their local area. 

Ernie the Dachshund adding to the kerb appeal

Although it does not sound like building a house is a walk in the park from Emma's description of a build that took place amid redundancy, sick children, a bout of pneumonia and the death of a rabbit.  It sounds a bit like an episode of Grand Designs set in Watership Down! Project managing the build themselves meant forging close relationships with tradesmen working on the job.  A little closer than Emma would have liked in the case of Neil the decorator who plastered whilst providing blow by blow updates on the condition of his prostate as well as criticising the work of any and all other tradesmen working on the job (including Andrew).  An obssessive aversion to mess meant he did at least dry clean his dust sheets although was arguably in the wrong profession if he didn't like getting his hands dirty

The parquet flooring was reclaimed from Fleet Street

Adding some serious sophistication to cocktail hour

After one update too many on his enlarged prostrate Emma paid him off and employed a decorator with no interest in sharing the details of his down below affairs with her.The end result is, however,  a gorgeous, warm and inviting family home which Emma has decorated in a style I am going to coin "Scandi Classic Cotswold Farmhouse Luxe" (trips off the the tongue I think you will agree!).  Whites and creams create a great backdrop to show off features that add personality and texture to their home such as the parquet flooring in the hallway that was reclaimed from a newspaper office in Fleet Street ( if that floor could talk!), a stunning exposed Belfast brick wall in the living room and gorgeous old cast iron radiators throughout.

They also have the woodburner of my dreams in their Living Room which is on my house wishlist if I can just stop buying cushions long enough to save up for one.  Should M15 ever discover that the key to defeating ISIS lies in smothering them in soft furnishings then I would be the lynchpin of the Cushion Counter Terrorism Strategy.  Or maybe i will just have to find a woodburner that can burn both logs and cushions. 

Emma's dressing table was one of my favourite corner's of her home

Emma's inspiration for the soft, luxe interior comes from reading lots of US based lifestyle blogs with Gal Meets Glam, Barefoot Blonde, Love Taza and Somewhere Slower being particular favourites.  If you have ever wondered what it would be like to live in a Pink Clapboard house in Charelston with one of those wraparound verandas then Gal Meets Glam is the blog for you.  Be warned, you will come away with serious pastel home and swooshy hair envy.

Although their house is located in the beautiful Northern Irish countryside, it is actually only 20 minutes from Belfast which, over the last 5 years, has benefited from huge amounts of regeneration and is now a buzzy, lively little city with beautiful parks and plenty going on. Those there to Dornan spot (or Eammon spot if you prefer your men chunkier and with greater experience in presenting news items about telepathic dogs) should also take time to visit the University area for quirky coffee shops and brunch stops or the Cathedral quarter for bars and restaurants.   Belfast is also home to the Titanic exhibition which was recently voted the number one tourist attraction in the world.  I still can't watch the film starring Leonardo de Caprio and Kate Winslet after going to see it with my then boyfriend age 17 who cried through the final third whilst I remained uncharacteristically dry eyed and ended up being offered tissues by a woman in the row in front.  Nobody wants another woman to have to mop up their man with Kleenex.   

I dream of the boys wardrobe looking like this instead of a screenshot of a bring and buy sale

With her parents having been savvy enough to invest in a holiday home in the South of France  the Littlewoods often swap County Amagh for the Cote D'Azur, although Lake Como is giving La Croisette a run for it's money after Emma fell in love with it's stunning scenery and laid back vibe last Summer.  When in France, favourite places to eat include Angelina in Paris (which, elasticated trousers alert, serves white hot chocolate to die for), or Les Garcons in VilleFrance for delicious dinners in a courtyard surrounded by jasmine. Slightly less French (but right up my fatty treat street) is Emma's favourite bakery back home called Donuts from the Pocket opposite the QUB in Belfast.  Having checked out some of their amazing specialities online, I think it would have to be renamed "All the Donuts In my Mouth" if i got within 25 metres of it. 

I love this idea of using a suspended branch to display Noah's zoo animals

Emma and I share another love beside donuts: Ryan Gosling.  Although, Emma would complete her celebrity threesome by inviting Hugh Jackman to join her and Ryan, whereas I would be asking the Gosling to budge up to make room for Lovejoy.  Give me a dubious mullet and a penchant for fencing Ming Vases over all those werewolf issues any day. Although Hugh would find himself out in the cold if Emma's other celebrity male crush came rocking into town.  Yep, it turns out that having once sold merchandise at his concerts, Emma also has a little soft spot for thigh slapping guitar wielding country music star Garth Brooks.  A man with a mullet even Lovejoy could not compete with.  On that bombshell I will leave you to go follow Emma's instagram or read her blog  for further peeks inside her gorgeous home (and slightly dodgy CD collection).

Malmo & Moss: The Occasional Home Store Autumn Fair

Last time I wrote about the Occasional Home Store we were getting ready to celebrate the start of Autumn (my favourite of all seasons) by holding our first ever Fair, bringing together vintage traders, designer/makers and pop ups of our favourite interiors shops in our little corner of North London. Fast forward 5 weeks and I still can’t believe how many of you lovely people came along last Saturday and saved me from bankruptcy by ensuring that me and my mastercard were not alone in a hall full of the homeware of my dreams.

The Glam Camping Co transformed a quiet corner of the Church grounds into a glamorous insta meet up with their gorgeous Strawberries & Cream bell tent.

Charly of our lovely event partner Plum & Ashby who, in a lovely piece of serendipity turned out to have been christened in St Peter's Church next door.

The day before we opened the Occasional Home Store doors passed in a haze of trestle table transport, chair lifting, hula hoop adornment and stall styling. Although I wish on a daily basis that our car was a nippy mint green Fiat 500 instead of a cumbersome family estate car known as the mobile landfill, I have never been so grateful for its girth and length as the moment when we managed to get our 3 metre prosecco bar in it without even having to resort to securing the boot with string.

Really wouldn't have fancied having to transport this on the 329 bus!

There was, however, a hairy moment at 11pm on the Friday night when we discovered that we were somehow 6 tables short of the number of sellers we had coming, forcing us to contemplate the possibility that we would have to ask our lovely stallholders to lay out their wares on the church drive  Eiffel Tower street hawker style.  Fortunately a call to Roy, caretaker of the hall and the most patient man in Britain, revealed that the Vicar's widow had 6 stashed in her garden meaning we could stand down our emergency plans to bring our kitchen tables to the venue as replacements.  I am guessing the big guns like Country Living never have to worry about a #VicarsWidowGoneRogue stealing their tables.  

The relieved but weary faces of Team OHS after the #TableTrauma had passed.

Returning home after midnight, our alarms were set very early for the Saturday morning.  Sally’s so that she could get down to the hall early to ensure all of our outdoor stallholders had a gazebo constructed for them  and mine to ensure that I hit the event with absolutely #PeakPebble MillHunnifordHair.  Obviously when it rained briefly at 4pm I was giving thanks that Sally had been #GettingsGazebosUp whilst I was #GettingMyBouffantOn.

The gorgeous stall of Weathered & Worn safely under a gazebo

Love Flowers providing a gorgeous floral selection

With our friends and family sacrificing their Saturday and the minimum wage to come along and help us out, we were able to transform the hall into a modern rustic shoppers paradise.  All credit on this front must go to Beth, who used to edit Selvedge magazine and is insanely creative.  If you left me alone with a hula hoop and a pile of ivy you would return after an hour to find me still with just a hula hoop and a pile of ivy.  However, in Beth’s hands, those two basic ingredients were transformed instead into a gorgeous rustic decoration that was #straightouttakinfolk.

The hall ready to be transformed into the Occasional Home Store

The humble hula hoop transformed by Beth into a gorgeous modern rustic wall hanging

Goodbye zumba class flyers and church coffee rotas, hello Occasional Home Store

It was amazing to see our sellers arrive one by one and to watch as their beautiful stalls came together.  Most of them took a huge leap of faith agreeing to come to an event that had never been held before in a part of North London they had almost certainly never heard of unless, that is, they happened to have been glued to the news in 1998 when former South American Dictator General Pinochet inexplicably chose to seek #ExileinEnfield.  Our profound thanks must also go to the lovely team at Plum & Ashby who did not hesitate to come on board as our event partner and provided so much wonderful support in the run up to the event and on the day.  Without wishing to sound too much like #PaltrowinPinkTaffeta huge thanks must also go to Annie Sloan and Essential Kitchen Bedroom Bathroom Magazine who gave us some lovely items to give away to our shoppers and workshoppers on the day. 

Gorgeous enamel kitchenware on the stall of Marie of Enamelama

Obviously I am biased because she is my Mother-in-Law but I loved the stall of Hellish Designs

Beautiful linen napkins from Aerende Store

Gorgeous linens on display from Dorothy Stiven

Special stall holder credit has to go to Libby of &Hobbs who arrived drill in hand and proceded to construct a mini recreation of her store out of plywood before our very eyes.  Given that I am about as safe with a black & decker as I would be with a nuclear weapon I stood back like an astonished home owner during an episode of DIY SOS and just watched in sheer admiration as it came together.

A mini recreation of &Hobbs at the Occasional Home Store

Belinda of Of Special Interest did an amazing job recreating her beautiful Crouch End store in our hall

Scandi botanicals on the stall of Pea Style

Beetle & Wilde bringing the biblical

I think the moment when my mastercard breathed a huge sigh of relief and I was able to unclench my bum cheeks for the first time in 12 hours was at about 9:45 when a queue started to form on the pavement outside and the projects pots of Annie Sloan chalk paint we had for our first 20 customers disappeared quicker than a packet of malteasers left alone in a room with me.  From there on in it all passed in kind of a blur, a little bit like your wedding day but with more opportunities to buy vintage French marmalade pots. 

The lovely Kathryn of @kos.home buying a basket from @lisavalentinehome

 I got to meet so many of the amazing people I have spent the last year chatting Shades of Grey and Soft Furnishing with over Instagram as well as lots of lovely people from the local area who had seen the gorgeous strawberries & cream bell tent belonging to The Glam Camping Co go up and had decided to come along and find out what was going on.  It was lovely to see people grabbing a coffee from Emily of We Are Here Coffee's super cute piaggio van, wondering around chatting, picking up flowers, hanging planters and terraniums from Love Flowers and then leaving the hall with bags full of bargains. 

My Malmo & Moss stall featuring vintage finds and some gorgeous prints from talented Scottish design duo @weareamused

It was even more amazing to meet people who had hopped in the car and set a course to N21 from as far afield as Nottingham (the Notts Massive of @Keeleytara @eclectic_street and @janemcwallace) and Norfolk. The lovely Amanda of @FordHouseNorfolk was greeted with a sweaty bear hug from me after arriving with tables for our workshop to save my bacon after I mistook Stowmarket for somewhere you can just nip to in your lunch hour to collect 4 e-bay card tables rather than a 3 hour roundtrip up and down the M11.  

Best lashes and hair on instagram @kelldon, Queens of the dark side who came north of the river @alexcrabtreepr and @deborahvos and the notts massive of @janemcwallace @keeleytara and @eclectic_street oh and me looking like an apprentice on her lunch break from a Butcher's counter.

Hello lovely Antonia of @TinkerTailorOnline who popped by and took one of our hoops home to use in the window of her fabulous new shop in neighbouring Bush Hill Park

Vintage books tempting shoppers on the stall of @so_sally_vintage as well as her ever popular bus blinds

Beautiful vintage toy treasures on stall of @bethsmith4380

I have long oogled the instagram feed of Kinship Creative and watched in awe as she has transformed venues from 'Meh' to 'May I Move I move in Please' so I absolutely loved watching her turn our upstairs church meeting room from a tribute to beige into a Modern Rustic haven for our Occasional Home Store Workshop.  It was attended by a gaggle of gorgeous ladies from all corners of the UK including Reena from @hygge_for_home (my modern rustic sister from another mother) who came from Cardiff,  my co-hosts of #styleithappy (aka my internet hashtag brides) @comedowntothewoods and @thisstyle_rocks who were joined by birthday girl @the_girl_with_the_green_sofa and left Leeds at 5:30 am to join us, and not forgetting the lovely @SezHodson who picked up OHS airmiles by coming from Switzerland.  

Lunch to nourish our hungry workshoppers

Kate Watson Smyth deliverying her top ten tips to improve any room.

Kay capturing the entries for the Vintage Vignette Styling Challenge

With the dream team of Kay and Kate Watson Smyth aka interiors super blogger Mad About the House running the workshop I had to resist temptation to cast off my apron (which Sally and Beth totally pulled off but which lent me a certain air of #ButcherChic) and join in.  Especially given there was a goodie bag which included a copy of EKBB as well as a whole host of treats from Of Special Interest Lisa Valentine Home,  Annie Sloan, Pea Style, Norahs Brownies and Plum & Ashby.  

A selection of some of the lovely things in our goodie bag

Going home a happy shopper after her talk, the gorgeous @mad_about_the_house with a @lisavalentinehome feather duster.

Whilst mum Kay was upstairs running our workshop daughte Bella aka Mini Kinship was downstairs running the family business behind the Kinship Creative stall.

What we have loved, in the week following the event, is seeing the pictures people have been sharing on their instagram accounts of the things that they bought at the Occasional Home Store with lots of items having found some very nice new forever homes.  It has also been lovely to read some of the reviews of the events from bloggers including 91 Magazine and Fabulous Places .  

A bus blind from the stall of Malmo & Moss looking fabulous in the home of @keeleytara

@the_girl_with_the_green_soda displaying some of her lovely Occasional Home Store finds.

I spy an @lisavalentinehome basket in the home of @vintagecuratorinteriors

We didn’t get everything right (as I am sure the people who used the mens loo between 1-1:30pm when we ran out of loo roll will attest).  Whilst we had delicious brownies and sweet pie from @norahsbrownies and @threefour.onepie they got hoovered up fast leaving us with shoppers needing sustenance.  Next time as well as killer cushions we will have copious carbs,  which will, no doubt, be music to the ears of my best friends who manned my stall pretty much all day in the end with no lunch and no chair.  I suspect I am now known as the #vinatgeinteriorsfagin in my friendship circle.  I have promised them next time I will make them a packed lunch each because there is definetely going to be a next time.  We are not quite sure when yet but keep any eye out for more news on our instagram page  @occasionalhome and our website www.occasionalhomestore.com  

Employees of Vintage Interiors Fagin aka my best friends.

Malmo & Moss Sleeps: Copenhagen

I spent my formative years in the North-East of England where my only contact with Scandinavia was the Gateshead branch of Ikea and even on trips there I was initially more interested in the mini hotdogs and 50p whippy icecreams than the bleached birch Billy Bookcases, Sodermalm sofas and fabulous faux sage.  But somewhere along the way I discovered my inner Agnetha and this North-Eastern girl went Nordic. I began to dream of moving to a Scandinavian country and even went to so far as to take Swedish lessons with Mr Malmo who proved his undying love and devotion to me by spending his Thursday evenings desperately trying to form a Swedish sentence that didn't just sound like he was trying to clear a sticky piece of flem out of his throat.   When it became obvious that we would struggle to ask for a Daim bar in a Netto we downgraded the plans to emigrate to frequent holidays there instead.  Two Summers ago we went Scandi with the kids for the first time (if you don't count frequent trips to Edmonton Ikea) staying in Copenhagen and then crossing the bridge (yes, The Bridge) to Malmo to stay in the house of one of my all time favourite bloggers My Scandinavian Home.  We had a brilliant time so this year, having sired another son (in medieval times I would surely have been given a cow or something by now) we decided to head back to Copenhagen. 

The beautiful living room of My Scandinavian Home

Where We Stayed

I am one of life's nervous flyers. I am about as comfortable on a plane as Nigel Farage would be at a Liberal Democrat conference in a vegan cafe.  However, it was not my extreme fear of flying that led to our last minute decision to drive rather than fly to Denmark.  It was rather the fact that I left it until 2 weeks before the date of departure to book seats by which time return Ryanair flights were about the same price as a small helicopter.  But 14 hours with 3 small children crammed into an overpacked Audi were quickly forgotten the moment we stepped inside our Air BnB apartment in Copenhagen.  Even with my right eyeball still manically twitching from the 4 large cans of Redbull consumed to keep me awake on the autobahn, I could see that it was the apartment of my Danish dreams.  

It is owned by a couple in their early thirties called Signe and Mark who live there with their two young children.  They describe themselves in their profile as civil servants and design entrepreneurs causing me to radically re-evaluate my previous stereotypes of civil servants as people who wear short sleeve beige shirts, keep pens in their top pockets and have an encyclopaedic knowledge of Common Agricultural Policy.  

The apartment is part of a block in which the Danish Prime Minister lived during the second world war.  But as you can see it is no gloomy underground Anderson shelter.  The main living space is a huge, double reception room with high ceilings and gorgeous sanded original wooden floors. The rest of the rooms lead off that main space and are all painted white creating a beautifully spacious, light and serene feel. 

It was a case of love at first sight for the boys as well.  However, it was the massive smart enabled TV loaded with car racing games rather than the Dinesen reminiscent floorboards that captured their young hearts.  Whilst their new found precious bought us a few uncharacteristic holiday lie-ins, the downside was that anytime we left the apartment to take in some Danish culture at one of the many brilliant museums and galleries Copenhagen has to offer, they had a tendency to ask us at 10 minute intervals when we would be going back to the holiday home to play Nitro Blast.

The boys with their precious

I loved the the texture and colour they had added to the living room with their choice of rugs and throws

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My favourite part of the apartment was, in contrast, the kitchen.  It featured all the modern rustic elements that I love.  Rough hewn wood: tick, earthy collections of ceramics: tick, accents of dark metallics: tick.  It was a lovely space to sit with a cup of tea flicking through one of their Nordic cookbooks pretending that I am not the kind of person who thinks that rye bread should be reserved for hamsters instead of humans.  We tended to eat out at lunchtime and then come back to have dinner at the apartment around the lovely rustic kitchen table having picked up ingredients from the local Meny (the Danish equivalent of Waitrose) on our way home.  

There was also a branch of  Lagkaghuset  next door to Meny so at breakfast time, whilst one of us put the kettle on and stood in the weetabix firing line, the other would pop out to pick up the best cinnamon buns I have ever tasted (and believe me when I say I have tasted a lot!).   It is a chain so you can find branches all over Copenhagen should you need a cinnamon top up at any time during the day.  I guess they are the Danish equivalent of Greggs but with polished concrete floors, pale wood, twinkling candles and handsome bakery assistants called Lars.  

In the evenings once we had the kids in bed we would light some candles in the kitchen (when I say we I obviously mean me as there is about the same chance of Mr Malmo independently lighting a candle as there is him suggesting we sit down to watch a Vicar of Dibley boxset) pour a glass of wine and make plans for the next day together. One of my favourite features of the kitchen was the black pendant lights hung at different heights over the table and worktops, they added a little bit of edge to all the natural textures and got me thinking about changing up our kitchen lights at home.

The kitchen looked out over a gorgeous internal courtyard which was a lovely spot to sit in the sun, watching the boys play with toys shared by all of the apartments with the Danes not being territorial over their tiny tikes.  When we visited in late July there were mounds of hydrangeas in whites and pinks in full bloom to enjoy.

There were 3 bedrooms.   The master bedroom was a beautiful tranquil space as it was flooded with light from the two big windows which looked out over the quiet street and a small park.  The only blot on the bedroom landscape was that the bed had, as is the Scandi way, two separate single duvets on the bed rather than one double.  I am not sure if this is because Danish men are chronic duvet stealers so the divorce rate is kept low by everyone having their own duvet, but I found that it meant that I frequently woke up in the night to find that Mr Malmo had rolled off with both duvets leaving me exposed to the Danish indoor elements.  

Bed, Buns and Bolig = Bliss

Getting our hygge on

Although the other two bedrooms were used as kids bedrooms, one had a double bed in and could easily have been used as an adult bedroom if you didn't mind waking up with the squad of FC Copenhagen (on the wall rather than in your bed that is unless you had enjoyed a particularly wild night on the Aquavit.) The other bedroom had a small cabin bed in and the only adult it would be suitable for would be wee Jimmy Krankie.  Although the bathroom didn't have a bath it had a huge walk-in shower which was perfect for hosing down three mucky boys at the end of every day.

The Local Area

The apartment is located in the Østerbro neighbourhood and is about 15 mins walk from the City centre.  It is known as the old wealthy neighbourhood in Copenhagen with lots of beautiful old architecture, broad shopping streets and leafy squares with cafes and shops. Whilst it is definitely not as hip and trendy an area as say Norreborre or Vesterbro, it is super family friendly so will work well if it is first class playgrounds rather than pulsing nightclubs you are after.  If your kids are good at walking without claiming their leg batteries have run out, then take a stroll down to the lakes where there are some great restaurants and a section of townhouses so drool worthy that you will be wondering if having watched every episode of the Killing, Borgen and The Bridge will be enough to qualify you for Danish citizenship post Brexit.

Cafe Bopa was our local brunch spot.

2 minutes walk from the apartment was Faelled Park which our kids completely loved. It has an adventure playground, outdoor trampoline park, beach volleyball courts, football pitches, a mini traffic roadway system, a play equipment recreation of the Danish equivalent of Buckingham Palace and vast expanses of green open space.   The home stadium of FC Copenhagen also borders the park if you have football fans in the family.  Mr Malmo took our eldest son to see a match, buying tickets on the day that cost less than £30 for both of them.  

Make sure you tune into the blog this Autumn when I will be sharing more Malmo & Moss tips on where to eat, shop and entertain kids in Copenhagen (when you can prise them away from Nitro Blast that is) and how Danish design has influenced my interiors style at home.

Malmo & Moss: Campling on Camping.

I grew up in a non camping family.  My dad would rather set his underpants on fire than spend a night under canvas.  Coming from such solidly tent averse stock meant that in my twenties, (when I still had disposable income that was not all spent in the Lego store) I was much more likely to be found reading a Mr & Mrs Smith Guide than browsing the Millets sale for collapsible camping chairs.  But then we had kids (3, all boys, yes, all boys) and found that a spa that offered reflexology was suddenly less critical to a successful holiday.  What mattered instead was space, lots of space and as you can't get more spacious than a field our camping career commenced.  However, thus far, we have proved to be a rather crap campers.  We have non of the gear and no ideas.  Thus horribly rookie mistakes have been made along the way. Look away now seasoned campers but I was initially unaware that camping without an airbed is about as comfortable as wearing a thong to play badminton. Or that if you don't go to the loo before you get into your sleeping bag then at 3am you will find yourself facing a Sophie's Choice dilemma between walking to the toilet block in the dark or squatting outside the tent fearing that your #sneakyslash will attract a pack of feral foxes to circle your tent.  So I have sought some advice from a more seasoned camper than I, a lady whose list of camping essentials includes the IG Rug and sequinned belly baskets. I am talking of course about the Delicious Dee Campling, Belle of the Bell Tent.

Campling on Camping. 

My career as a camper began badly whilst on a Duke of Edinburgh expedition in my teens when my fellow bronze award candidates and I burnt all the wooden tent pegs on the camp fire in error, thinking they were kindling wood. 🤷🏼‍♀️However, despite this shaky start, I have continued to go camping all of my life - before and after kids, in rain and shine. They've been the best and worst holidays. Nothing beats a sunny camping holiday, glass in hand, watching the children playing happily outdoors all day. Conversely, I'll never forget the slugs in the tent one particularly wet summer! 

Being a huge fan of my home comforts, I've always tried to make our tent cosy, but the purchase of a bell tent three years ago was a game changer. The transition from camping to glamping really does vastly improve your camping experience. Here are my 5 top tips for glamming up your camping and becoming a bona fide glamper. 

1. A Bell Tent.

They're popping up everywhere now and as well as looking great, they're much quicker and easier to put up than traditional tents. You can buy them in several sizes - 3m to 6m diameter. Ours is a 5m one with a zipped in groundsheet (the slugs can't get in!) and was from www.soulpadtents.co.uk. When deciding on what size bell tent to get the main factor to consider is being able to dry it out. I know I sound like your dad, but bear with. It has to be 100% dry before you pack it away or it will rot. So you have to have a big enough garden or nearby space to be able to erect it to dry if you've been rained on whilst away. Once you've decided on size then the world's your oyster - they are soooooo easy to put up! I can even do it on my own in less than half an hour. Our old frame tent used to take two hours and a guaranteed bust up involving threats of divorce and murder.  And once your bell tent is up you'll notice how quiet and calm it is compared to traditional nylon tents - no rustling or flapping noises. As long time Outwell tent users, we were sceptical about how dry you'd stay in a bell tent and how difficult they'd be to put up but our worries were unfounded on both counts. If you like the sound of bell tents, then you're ready for stage 2! 

2. Rugs.
Rugs in a nylon tent would be ridiculous because they'd get damp from the condensation. However, because of the way that modern canvas bell tents are waterproofed, you don't get condensation. You might still think rugs are ridiculous in a tent but read on and allow me to convince you! 

You can buy beautiful bespoke coir bell tent rugs from Soulpad. They look stunning and make your bell tent look like a proper home.  However, we always bring our own rugs from home though because a) we're tight! and b) I prefer an eclectic look. Adding rugs immediately makes the tent look and feel cosy, warm and homely. This year I brought THAT rug ( aka the 'Erica' rug ) with us from www.laredoute.co.uk. My husband obviously gave me the the worlds biggest eye roll about that one!  I also bring a vintage Persian rug I bought for a song from eBay years ago and a few from my burgeoning sheepskin rug collection. They all roll up tightly inside each other for packing and take up hardly any space in the van. My husband may disagree on the space thing but I remain resolute on it.  Look how cosy it looks! And it really feels luxurious too which is a proper bonus when you're in soggy Cornwall for a week. 

3. Lighting. 

Yes I'm going to talk about fairy lights again! I absolutely love fairy lights and have them all over my house. I add them inside the bell tent and (if it's dry) outside too. They add more magic to your tent and have the added bonus of helping you find your tent in a dark field! 

Festoons are also a great option and lots online shops now sell them such as www.glamcampingcompany.com. You can get them battery, solar or electrically powered and I have all of them for every eventuality!  

Special note: only warm white fairy lights are allowed - not bright white, blue or multi-coloured.  This is the law.  As I write, I'm in unspoken competition with one of my French camping neighbours a few pitches down. Every night she has adds more lights, festoons and candles, so I add more lights too. Last night, though, she committed the crime of adding a string of multi coloured fairy lights. She has totally lost my respect and I now consider the battle won for me!

4. Bunting. 

Another of my lifelong loves is bunting and another bone of contention in the Campling household - 'c**ting bunting' is a phrase not unheard of in this house.  I stand resolute though - there's nothing like a bit of bunting to lighten the mood. This is especially true when on a soggy camping trip in Cornwall. Some types of bunting are a little passé I concur, but I personally love the 'fringing' type of bunting around more now - multicoloured torn fabric remnants like this:

Or, alternatively, white rectangular bunting like this like the kind Malmo & Moss has in her garden seen below.

I love https://www.petitpan.com/ for unusual colourful bunting and https://greyseptember.co.uk/ for Scandinavian style white bunting. 

5.  Cool storage. 

Once upon a time, storing your stuff when camping was all about keeping things as dry as possible in plastic boxes. But because you don't get any condensation with bell tents, as I mentioned before, you can use whatever you like! We use a vintage leather trunk to keep our cooker in, wooden crates for the kitchen and food and belly baskets for everything else - shoes, suncream, snorkels, toilet bags - the works. This year I've added a vintage bankers tin and my round 'Florence' shopping basket to my camping storage collection. As William Morris says'  Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful' and I argue that the same rule applies to camping. Storage can be both useful and beautiful in your bell tent. 

There's one last thing you'll need for glamping and that's a big hatchback vehicle as a minimum. The only drawback of bell tents is that they do weigh more and take up a bit more room in the car than standard tents. We have a VW Transporter and it's perfect for us - a family of five plus all our camping paraphernalia AND Rob's bike and cycling paraphernalia! 

So  - give it a try. I guarantee you'll never go back to normal camping because it's not like normal camping. You feel like you're living in your own cool little canvas cottage. All they have to do now is to overcome the other camping dread - communal toilets - and invent bell tents with bathrooms and there really will be no looking back!

Malmo and Moss Eats: Cornish Coastal Cafe Guide

Beaching and Eating Our Way Around Cornwall

"What are your hobbies" was one of my least favourite graduate job application questions to answer.  Having spent the preceding 3 years as a student, the truthful answer was: bellowing along to Britney/S Club 7/Steps whilst dancing on sofas in the union bar, discovering that when you mix Baileys and Sambuca in a shot it creates a drink akin to vomit suspended in petrol and speculating with my mates about which of our law lecturers might have the biggest dick. None of the above are obviously application form appropriate, so the extracurricular activities I listed instead were: President and Founder of the University Parachute Society (this was true although we never made it out of the union let alone out of a plane) and long distance running (I did the 5 mile Junior Great North Run twice and my unusual running style caused a spectator to comment that "the poor lass looks like she needs a poo.").  Now in my thirties with 3 kids, I don't tend to get asked this question in interviews anymore.  Probably because people assume (correctly) that my pastimes would mainly include wiping bums, trying to stop the baby ingesting lego and/or poo from the toilet brush and/or the cat's food (3 of his favourite snacks) and researching ways to remove smeared banana from my crotch so that it doesn't constantly look like I have an aggressive case of thrush.  However, on the rare occasion when I don't have a wet wipe in my hand, one of my favourite things to do is head to the beach.  A beach with a nice cafe nearby is pretty much my idea of heaven.  Our recent trip to Cornwall offered several opportunities to develop this hobby further.  Here were a few of my favourite finds for any fellow beach/cafe/beach+cafe enthusiasts.

Tintagel and the English Heritage Beach Cafe

75% of our holiday arguments are caused by my husband trying to park at least 5 miles away from the place we are actually trying to visit.  If we were visiting Paris he would want to park in Cannes. So when we drove into Tintagel and he attempted to prematurely spunk his parking load on a patch of hard standing near some fields, a tense stand off ensued.  Gallingly for me, it turned out that for once we were actually at the closest car park so I had to spit out an apology on our way down to the castle, beach and cafe.  However, it is hard to hold on to petty parking gripes for long when you are looking at this kind of scenery.

I chose the Cafe & Haven over Church and the Coastal Path (sorry God)

Gorgeously brooding coastline

Don't look down!

There is a beach at Tintagel but, in truth, it is not really the star of the show.  Nobody puts a 12th Century Castle where King Arthur was allegedly conceived in the corner. Exploring the ruins of that castle and trying to work out where the royal romping happened affords you stunning views of the windswept coastline. When you are done with the jaw dropping scenery with a side helping of history, it would seem that someone at English Heritage got the modern rustic memo when it came to refurbishing the cafe.  It is like stepping inside a crofters cottage if Tom Ford had taken up crofting.  It is a stylish mix of white washed walls, flagstone floors, ercol chairs, on trend distressed wood cladding, copper lighting and black and white photography.   On a cold windy day you can warm up with a tea and scone inside and on a gloriously sunny day like the one when we visited, grab an icecream and soak up the sun and the views on a picnic table outside. 

Can just imagine Tom in a cable knit jumper looking all brooding in this doorway

I loved the flag stone floors, whitewashed walls and ercol style chairs.

A coachload of pensioners had cleared out the plain scones before we arrived

Watergate Bay and The Beach Hut, Zacry's and Fifteen

Watergate Bay was about 15 minutes around the coast from where we were staying at The Sheepshed and is both a mecca for surfers and well heeled holiday makers called Rufus.  I can't claim it is an undiscovered spot by any stretch of the imagination but for a DFL like myself, the expansive beach and contemporary coastal stylings of the Watergate Bay Hotel were manna from heaven.  When we last visited this part of Cornwall, the owners of the hotel had only just started to redevelop it from its previous incarnation as a slightly tired old family hotel.  

The hotel has also taken over and revamped the old Beach Cafe which is now called the Beach Hut and boasts stylish interiors that I would describe as Coastal Industrial Rustic Luxe! There are cosy corners with banquettes, long wooden tables and a menu they describe as "contemporary British Seaside" which in practice means a mix of burgers, seafood and pasta.

There is lots to like about the hotel itself, it is smart without being stuffy and the interiors are coastal without feeling at all nautical cliche.  You can eat either in the bar bit (called the Living Space) which has the show stopping views over the sea, or, in the slightly more upscale Zacry's.  If you have kids I would say go with the Living Space as we ate in Zacry's and it doesn't have a kids menu which meant a lot of time scouring the menu for something that wouldn't have  butternut squash or spinach or similar incendiary ingredients in it (hats off to you if your kids eat those things without resembling John McEnroe when a line call hasn't gone his way). The benefit of eating in Zacrys is, however, that it has a very cool chevron floor that makes great #Ihavethisthingwithfloors fodder.  I didn't manage to get a very decent pic of it though as my 1 year old had caught sight of a nice big staircase in the lobby on the way in and spent the entire meal trying to escape the table to make an attempt at scaling Stair Everest.

I loved the use of mustard tones to bring the coastal decor bang up to date.

Apologies for the pic of a random man. I was willing him to go to the loo so I could take better pic but he seemed to have an iron bladder.

I would love to come back and stay here some day as it is really well set up for families with an infinity swimming pool, kids club and plenty of other activities on offer.  To be honest I was kind of wishing I could trade places with Max (age 8) who was there on an all expenses paid free trip with his mum and dad.   Whilst I was supervising baby Ranulph Fiennes  I overheard Max being told off for not being" a good friend" to his dad by refusing to go to bed thus impinging on the time that Dad could spend in the bar drinking free Champagne.  Not cool Max, not cool.  Unfortunately, in the absence of someone offering me an all expenses paid trip, I had to settle for a buying a couple of nice cups and this Cornwall guide from the mini shop in the Hotel lobby.  Luckily the stunning views on the drive home were free.

Rather more stylish than the average Lonely Planet!

Porthcothan and the Portcothan Stores

Porthcothan beach was the closest to the Sheepshed where we were staying and is much more low-key than some of the bigger ritzier beaches like Watergate Bay.  I would like to say it is my undiscovered gem, but I think, in truth, the weather on the days we visited was just a bit shit and therefore most sane people were probably just somewhere indoors with a hot chocolate rather than freezing their tits off playing cricket and cops and robbers on the beach like us. It is a lovely little beach backed by sand dunes in a small hamlet of houses that is not at all touristy.  The only shop is the Porthcothan Bay Store which is also a cafe and was taken over in 2016 by a young, bouncy and enthusiastic couple called Barney and Emma.  It has a good mix of things you need (like deodrant and calpol) along with a very tempting things that your waistline really doesn't need but which you can wear elasticated pants on holiday and eat anyway.  So we had very un-Deliciously Ella lunches of Chough Bakery Sausage Rolls and Monster Munch crisps washed down with decent coffee and Cornish tea before embarking on chasers of Roskillys icecream.  There is also a little annex that sells everything that we land locked Londoners always forget to bring to the beach like windbreaks, buckets, spades, balls, beach mats and the like.

Godrevy and The Hut

Godrevy beach is located at the bottom of the North Cornwall Coast around the corner from St Ives.  I have never been to Cape Cod but something about Godrevy made me think of massechutes (if you are looking for a new drinking game, try and get someone to spell Masscetchutes and makes them take a shot everytime they get it wrong.  I tried 11 different combinations before I gave up and spell checked it!).  It has huge sweeping wide flat beaches which are then bordered by rocky outreaches beyond which there is a lighthouse. Our kids loved going exploring across the rocks and looking for creatures in the many rockpools. There is also a really great cafe for when you are done with your Martha's Vineyard fantasy.  It is a bit like I suspect the Hidden Hut on Rosevine beach was 7 years ago.  Before, that is, it became a siren call for all middle class people on holiday in Cornwall meaning you now have to queue up for at least 45 mins to get your fix of artisan bread.  Although obvs come August I will be up there with my Observer Reading elbows at the ready ready to fight for the last falafel, Godrevy offers same great food with a bit less fanfare.  I would love to go back and go to one of their feast evenings this Summer.  

So there you have it, my favourite places to inhale clotted cream and look out to sea.  Will be heading back to Cornwall this week with my elasticated waist trousers ready to bring you more coastal cafe classics.

Malmo & Moss: Culture Club

Cultural highlights my family have taken in this month have included Captain Underpants the Movie, Match of the Day 365: Football Facts For Every Day of the Season, Twirlywoos Series 1 and 2 and Sheringham Splash Swimming Pool.  Luckily for you guys, I have delegated the Malmo & Moss cultural review to Dan Hull so that instead of a round up of the best places to catch a veruca in North Norfolk it is going to encompass delights that include Balengacia, a cool Californian girl band and a zesty lemon risotto designed to transport you to the South of France rather than west of Cromer.  So without further ado it's over to Dan.

Dan's gorgeous Scandi inspired apartment makes for a considerably more pleasing on the eye picture than me in the flume queue at Sheringham Splash

August

The month we should all be basking in the glorious golden rays of summer. The air should be thick with the sound of deckchairs creeking and ice cubes chinking. Unfortunately 2017 appears to have had another ideas for us all. Rather than let the sogginess of the situation get us down, I propose we find ourselves means of escape. Whether you like your escape delivered in the form of a dog-eared paperback or projected onto a screen in all its cinematic glory, your August selection awaits

Listen.
‘Something To Tell You’ - Haim.

There’s a very real chance this album’s success is solely down to me. The girls from Haim definitely helped a little, but mostly it’s down to the excessive amount I’ve played it since its release. Your month needs no other album to complete it, of this I assure you. Something To Tell You combines a constant string of hooks that take a swipe at that part of your brain where songs get stuck, with with vocals practically begging to be sung along to in your kitchen on a Saturday evening. It may be brief in its duration but it’s exceptional in its delivery. For me, a lifelong fan of Fleetwood Mac, the comparisons have always been clear, but here the girls from Haim even manage to channel some of Janet Jackson’s heyday into proceedings. That’s quite the combination.  Open all of the windows that will possibly open, let every last drop of sunshine in that nature will allow and dance like you haven’t got a care in the world, this is the sound of summer.

Read.

Mrs Hemmingway by Naomi Wood.

I have no qualms in judging a book by its cover and I am in no way ashamed to say so. I first stumbled across this book because of its blissful blue cover and the impossible poolside glamour of the women who sit atop it. I’m happy to say that shallow decision turned out rather well in the end. A lesson for us I’m sure you’ll agree.

Naomi Wood’s tale of one of literature’s most famous names chooses to focus instead on his wife, Hadley Hemmingway, as the pair transport their life to the South of France for the summer. The hosts of cocktail parties and gin-laced debates about literature, the couple struggle to overcome Ernest’s decision to take a lover a little too close to home. In the heat of the blistering sun, Hadley’s jealousy and longing for her husband’s affection makes for a surprisingly salacious summer read.

Watch.

To Catch A Thief.

If the combination of a summer on the French Riviera and the unparalleled beauty of Grace Kelly wasn't enough for you, Alfred Hitchcock's unflinching direction should be. Never has a woman looked more glamorous at the beach than Grace Kelly. Sun hats, coordinating beach bags and a white gauze overskirt ensure Grace takes centre stage in Hitchcock’s tale of a jewel thief terrorising the Riviera’s richest residents. Quite simply don’t make films like this anymore. A snapshot of a cinematic era we’ll probably never see again, To Catch A Thief will be a sublime addition to a balmy Sunday afternoon.

Visit.

Balenciaga at the V&A.

You don't need to be too familiar with the work of Cristóbal Balenciaga to appreciate the beauty of the V&A's latest fashion exhibit. A true master of the cut, Balenciaga's pieces rest on the body like pieces of sculpture. His groundbreaking silhouettes were to alter the way women dressed forever and push the boundaries of our expectations of femininity. It may not pack the conceptual punch of the spectacular staging the Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty exhibit managed, but on a rainy afternoon in the capital there can be little more satisfying than gawping at pretty dresses lined up neatly in a row. 

If like me you always go straight to the gift shop before the exhibit, you’ll be pleased to discover the V&A have just relaunched there in spectacular fashion. We all know ultimately the gift shop is the most important part of any exhibit after all.

Make.

When it came to the food that should accompany a trip to the Riviera, or a scandalous affair in the South Of France, it had to be lemons. What single taste transports you to the sun more than the fresh zing of lemon? If you haven’t yet discovered Madeleine Shaw I urge you to spend some time with her site. Along with her three cookbooks, it is filled to the brim with recipes for everything from peanut butter cakes to lemon asparagus risotto. Everything is dairy free, sugar free and wheat free but what it doesn’t lack is flavour. You won’t find any paragraphs about the benefits of sipping agave nectar whilst holding your head upside down and chanting mantras either you’ll be pleased to hear. What you will find is recipes for real life that are designed to help your body do its best every day, along with a selection of dishes that will only further enhance your August escape plans. 

www.madeleineshaw.com
http://madeleineshaw.com/recipes/asparagus-risotto/

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Malmo & Moss House: Making Over the Spare Room

Shall we really go hard at it in the spare room on Saturday night would, in my twenties, have been an offer to Mr Malmo that included matching lingerie, Marvin Gaye and massage oil. Three kids in he knows that these days it is much more like to involve removing my knickers from the drying rack that is semi permanently erected in there, hearing through the grapevine instructions to rationalise the underbed storage drawers and massaging shampoo into the carpet to try and remove evidence of a #babysudocreamrampage.  When we moved into the Malmo & Moss House 7 years ago we started by turning this room into my eldest son's nursery. Because we didn't get the keys until 3 weeks before he was born, my husband had to pretty much carry out that transformation solo, heroically wallpapering up a ladder at 2am.  Although, if I am honest, even if i didn't have a 7 pound baby eager to get out of my clunge I would probably have still just stood around decoratively holding a wallpaper brush.   

With the boys moved into new bunk quarters, the spare room became ripe for redevelopment!

When we knew baby number three was on the way we decided to move the two older boys into what was then bigger spare room with this room, after a lick of Cornforth White (has a more middle class phrase ever been uttered) assuming a new identity as a temporary offshoot of the Big Yellow Storage Company.  I am going to spare you a shot of it buried underneath a mound of maternity knickers, tea towels, baby toys, dismantled furniture, tins of paint and coats because you probably have a room like that of your own that you can go into if you want an interiors reality check.  When someone was coming to stay all of that crap got temporarily shoved into the wardrobe and it looked ok but it was a bit like the maternity knickers it so often played host to in that it was a bit drab and tired.  

Temporarily tidy but all a bit bland

After a particularly steamy session in there one Saturday night when Mr Malmo went wild with the nozzle of the hoover (attached to the entrance to a vacumn bag rather than something else I hasten to add) it was enough of a blank canvas to start thinking about how we could add a bit of personality into it.   The first step I took was to try and break up the wall behind the bed a bit by stringing up some festoon lights using command hooks.  I got my festoon lights from Sainsburys homeware range.  I think they were £13 in the sale and they stock them all year round.  They are definitely not the same quality as say a set from The White Company (they are about as sturdy as an eggshell) but I think they pretty much do the job.  

The festoons instantly injected a bit of interest

With that job done I turned my attention to the bedside tables.  They were a couple of fairly non descript numbers that we bought for our first flat back when I was a #Living EtcVirgin. They were, brace yourself, originally a shade of pine that I would describe as akin to Dale Winton just back from a week in Marbella. Once I had popped my Living Etc cherry I hastily painted them Pavilion Grey in a bid to Farrow & Ball away the Winton.  However, because I am the kind of impatient painter that dips a paintbrush in without a second thought to masking tape, dust sheets or priming I managed to paint the drawers shut.  Consequently retrieving anything from the drawers was the kind of challenge they liked to set people on the Crystal Maze when they wanted to watch an accountant in a jumpsuit try and restrain himself from saying the words cunting hell on pre-watershed television. 

Spot the #DuluxWeldedDurexDrawers

The dressing table in its previous home in our main bedroom. Just to reassure you that is a curatin pole not crow bar you can see peaking out from under the bed.

Having finally jimmied the drawers open using the type of tool favoured by teenager car jackers, and disposed of the contents (which included some aged condoms which if used would almost certainly have led to the birth of our 4th child) the #DuluxWeldedDurexDrawers were taken to the tip.  Does anyone else's husband enjoy a trip to the tip almost as much as a blow job? In their place on the left hand side I brought down from our bedroom a dressing table which was the first piece of furniture we ever bought together.   Although Mr Malmo has never been a very big fan of it because apparently in his words it has shades of something Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart would have sat at whilst powdering his wig. I think it works really well in the spare room though with the style of our Loaf bed (and am sure Amadeus would have sided with me on this one inbetween whiping up preludes).  On the otherside of the bed we reconstructed the desk that used to be downstairs before Project Partition happened (future blogpost coming on that one!).

A lovely spot for Mozart to powder his wig

My attention turned next to a subject in which I could complete a doctorate: cushions.  I wanted something which created a bit of texture and drama so when I was on a work trip in Cardiff I thought all my Christmases had come at once when I popped into TK Maxx and spotted two of their divine Mongolian fur cushions in the sale for half price.    Unfortunately they are each the size of a small Mountain Yak so the only carrier bag that would contain them was a pink bag for life plastered in pictures of dogs in camp spectacles.  I think it is probably the first time the security guard at the Welsh Government Building has had  to X-Ray scan soft furnishings for explosives in a bag that looked like something Dame Edna Everidge might take with her to the lauderette.  Having wrestled the Yaks all the way home from Cardiff on the train I realised when I got home that they are in fact not the smokey grey I had intially thought they were but had a distinctly greenish tinge to them, a bit like a Yak that had fallen a pond....However I have actually really come to like the colour and it fits really nicely with the rustic wood of the tables and bed. 

With the soft furnishings in hand I turned my attention to the bed linen.  One of my absolute favourite instagram accounts belongs to @teawithruby who has the most beautiful antique bed and really gorgeous slubby (is that even a word?!) linen bedding in smoky colours.  The charcoal linen set I chose from Piglet In Bed fitted the #SlubbySleeping bill perfectly!  They do a lovely range of durable low maintenance linen bedding that gets softer and softer with wear and most importantly of all doesn't require me to iron it for it to look good!

The beautiful bedroom of @teawithruby

Slubby Sleeping Goals achieved thanks to Piglet in Bed.

It was all coming together nicely but I wanted it to have a bit more of an industrial/boho edge inspired by some of my favourite instagram bedrooms.  Although I don't have bare bricks to work with (unless I start tearing chunks of plaster away from the walls which I suspect would be about as popular with Mr Malmo as my cauliflower burgers) I really like the earthy industrial feel they add to Reena of Hygge for Home's bedroom.  I decided to add that feel through the use of rustic reclaimed wood instead like the gorgeous bohemian bedroom of Kate Young.  A trip to our local salvage yard resulted in us returning with some suitably distressed planks and the owner 22 Stone Tony laughing all the way to the bank as he took our cash for what transpired to be the bench he used to saw up wood on to sell to yuppy renovators.

Rustic woods and linen bedding getting my modern rustic pulse racing.

Beautiful Bare Brick Boho Bedroom inspiration from @hygge_for_home

I love how @kateyoungdesign uses texture to create warmth in her bedroom

22 Stone Tony's Planks stand proud in the corner next to the rehomed desk.

I also decided to keep all of the artwork black and white to create a crisp, clean impact with prints from Desenio doing the honours.  I can't quite decide whether to have some more artwork above the bed and if so whether to go with one big print, a mini gallery wall or a picture shelf with a small selection of different size prints or alternatively whether to go with a bit set of vintage antlers there instead to provide a further nod to the nordic.  Would love to know your thoughts.  Would it look too busy?  We were originally intending to turn our #YuppySalvageHaul into shelves in the alcoves but that would mean the festoons couldn't hang down the sides so I think I have changed my mind about it.  

I have added a real olive tree in beside the bed whilst I continue the search for a faux one which doesn't require me to take a bridging loan to afford it.  I have recently received a tip off that Ikea may have one so I am hoping that there has not been a middle class stampede to my local branch since this faux foliage rumour started doing the rounds.  

On the right hand side of the bed in these pictures are a set of vintage pegs that are displaying a throw and a lovely cage light I got from Of Special Interest.  In reality my husband has an infuriating habit of using these pegs as the resting place for a waterproof coat he has which makes him look like a cross between a 1990s indie band member and a bird watcher, sort of Bez meets Bill Oddie.  The trunk below them is one of my favourite vintage finds from Newark collectors market, where I also got the old French Railway Station clock which adds some extra monochrome interest.

Completing the industrial touches on the other side of the bed are some old Mars tins which have been outside until recently so picked up quite a bit of rust although I personally think that just adds to their character.  I bought them about 5 years ago from a man at Newark who had literally hundreds of them so I am always kicking myself that I only came away with three which was the most I could fit under the pram at the time.  I think Bugaboo are really missing gap in the market by not designing a pram with a huge undercarriage for vintiquing mums on the go.

The mars tins and a John Lewis sheepie to add some more texture and warmth under foot

The copper legged stool from Sainsbury's adds an extra industrial touch

The La Lune print is a recent purchase from Desenio

The cage lights were from a little shop in Canal St Martin on the Il de Re

The Cushion Yaks provide nice contrast to my Florence Bouvier cushion from Lisa Valentine Home

The final touch I added recently after a rock n roll Thursday night trip to Enfield Town B&Q, was this Scandi inspired carpet runner which was a total bargain and neatly disguises where my middle son went rogue with his freshly sudocreamed bottom when 18 months old. Sudocream and wool fibres go about as well together as Theresa May and chocolate brown leather trousers.  Oh and am also very happy that we no longer have the 1980s doors that were all over the house when we first moved in which were reminiscent of doors the Corkhills used to slam during arguments on Brookside circa 1988.  This beautiful reclaimed one came from 22 Stone Tonys yard aka Stoneage Salvage on the way to Cuffley.

To the left of the bed as you walk in the door are a set of Ikea wardrobes constructed by Mr Malmo to which he added bespoke chipboard doors.  They are a very marmite feature of the room with my dad surpisingly numbering amongst their fans despite them being decidely non cluttered gothic, his signature interiors style.  They tend to create what I like to describe as the "shit why the hell did they do that face" in most guests.  I can't decide whether I want to leave them like that, paint them, or wallpaper them with tin effect paper like the panel hanging on the wall that caught my eye on the Rockett St George website.  What do you guys think? Let me know in the comments below whether you are #TeamChipboard or #TeamTin.

Malmo & Moss Diary: The Occasional Home Store Autumn Fair

3 weeks before the birth of our first son we moved from South to North London in search of a family house we could afford without assuming a debt the size of Germany's GDP. We left behind many of our closest friends who were die hard South Londoners and thus regarded Enfield as a spot on the map somewhere near outer Mongolia.  I was, therefore, a bit worried that it was just going to be me and the baby with Mr Tumble for company.all day.   So when we arrived for our crash NCT course in an old Quaker Hall I was desperately hoping to meet some kindred spirits to avoid becoming overly acquainted with the contents of Mr Tumble's spotty bag.  After an uncomfortable first 90 minutes of the class when the word vagina was said about 113 times more than I wanted to hear it in the company of 10 strangers, we took a tea break.   It was then, over an intensely stewed cup of PG tips and a soggy Rich Tea that I met Sally,  my kindred spirit.   It turned out that as well as both drinking our teas black and both being able to name all of Jordan and Peter Andre's children we also shared a love of vintage homeware.

Bottle blondes who love black tea it was meant to be!

After the first intense period of motherhood passed when conversation revolved around shades of shit rather than chaise lounges we got our non baby produced shit together enough to think about pursuing our passion for all things old and interesting (excluding Des O'Connor to be clear) and took a stall together at a local vintage market.  We enjoyed it is so much that inbetween getting Sally to tell me, for the 417th time,  the story from her BBC runner days about when she blow dried Nicky from Westlife's hair, we started to dream about putting together an event of our own in the Quaker meeting hall where we had first met.  

Some of the lovely vintage bits that @so_sally_vintage took along to our stall together

Malmo & Moss stock from the early days

Sally's most popular items are always her bus destination blinds which mean she has a strong insta following amongst the bus spotter community!

A couple of years passed and although our pelvic floors got weaker as we gave birth to our second (and in my case third) children, the dream just got stronger.  Enter Beth.   Her stall was often opposite ours and featured a beautifully curated mix of quirky curiosities but whilst we ogled it from afar it wasn't until we got chatting during a drop in trade one Saturday that we realised that she too lived in Winchmore Hill and, in a happy piece of coincidence, used to both edit the wonderful Selvedge magazine and organise their fairs which are renowned in London and beyond.  Suddenly the idea of organising our own event started to look a little bit less like something Duncan Bannatyne would laugh out of the Dragons Den and more like something Peter Jones would give a serious ponder.  

The kind of beautiful items we used to ogle on Beth's Little Game stall

Her home is just as beautiful

As is her photographic styling, picture by Katya de Grunwald

Several Monday night meetings around our three kitchen tables later, the Occasional Home Store was born.  An event which will bring the best in both vintage and contemporary homeware to our little corner of North London along with some delicious food and drink to sustain you whilst you shop.  Over the last few months Beth has grappled with Wix to build us a lovely website whilst Sally has become an overnight expert in event licensing, insurance, food hygiene and pretty much every other sensible thing that i forget to think about when I am getting overexcited about how great it is all going to look on instagram.

My kitchen table aka OHS Headquarters

Thank you to the wonderful Tia Talula (@tiatalula) for being patient when it took about 1000 shots to get a photo when it didn't look like at least one of us was being tortured/trying to hold in a fart

And as for me?  Well I have been working my way through our wishlist of dream vintage sellers, contemporary designer/makers and interiors shops we would like to pop up at the OHS and spent a lot of time pinching myself as one by one they have all said yes.  All my Modern Rustic Christmases came at once when Kay of Kinship Creative DC (aka the Modern Rustic Madonna) said she would love to come along and run a workshop for us on how to blend Scandi and Vintage pieces to create a Modern Rustic home.  But it didn't stop there, within a fortnight that workshop had become a double bill with Kate Watson-Smyth aka superstar interiors blogger Mad About the House who will be imparting ten top tips to improve any room for those lucky enough to have bagged one of the limited places available.

Styling from a previous Kinship Creative workshop which gives me the complete interiors horn.

Sign up to our workshop and you will go home armed with tips to transform your rooms into beautiful spaces like this, the gorgeous sitting room of Kate Watson Smyth aka Mad About the House (image taken from her instagram @mad_about_the _house)

The final icing on the cake came when Vicky, the owner of the beautiful home and body brand Plum & Ashby, said she thought our event sounded great and that they would love to collaborate with us on putting it together.  So on the 9th of September, in association with Plum & Ashby, the doors of the first Occasional Home Store event will be opening at 10am in St Peter's Church Hall, 10 Langham Gardens, N21 2DN.  Our OHS venue is just 2 minutes away from Grange Park overground station which connects to Finsbury Park in just 10 minutes from where you can access the Victoria and Piccadilly Lines.  It is also just 10 minutes drive onto the M25, North Circular or M11 so wherever you are coming from we should be within easy reach (unless you are coming from the Isle of Skye in which case I admit the transport might be more tricky). We are feeling equal parts hugely excited and hugely terrified at this point in time so I would love it if you guys could come along and hold my hand for the day.

Some of Plum & Ashby's beautifully packaged products, you can see why I was doing cartwheels when they said they would like to be involved!

Until then (to give you an incentive to come along that doesn't involve my clammy hands) I wanted to share with you just a few of the amazing sellers we have coming along on the day and to give you a peak into some of their homes so you can see how their style translates from stall to semi-detached. Look out for more glimpses through the keyholes of our fabulous stallholders in future blog posts.  

Of Special Interest

Of Special Interest is a Crouch End interiors institution. Offering a prodigious range of elegant pieces for the home, the store has grown from its early incarnation as junk shop. Over the last two decades owner Belinda Fulton has taken over two neighbouring shops as their owners moved on and then the annex behind when it came up for rent. Her loyal customer base (including me!) can choose from antique European furniture sourced in Holland, stylish lighting, mirrors and irresistible impulse buys in the form of candles, kitchenware and faux foliage.  Her home is every bit as stylish as her shop and if you would like to see more of it be sure to have a look at Malmo & Moss Meets: Belinda Fulton

I start mentally moving furniture around my house as soon as I step inside Of Special Interest because I instantly want to buy things like these beautiful drawers

Beetle & WILDE

Beetle & WILDE is a vintage emporium that delights in blurring the boundaries between art, anatomy, natural history & design - adding drama and intrigue to interiors with an eclectic mix of cultures, periods, styles & scale - from Victorian wunderkammer curiosities to mid century classics and quirky modern finds. If you’re the kind of person who longs to linger in the Natural History Museum past closing time you will love what Beetle & WILDE have to offer and I am certain you will love owner Caz's sultry, darkly sexy home even more. 

Parquet floor of dreams in Caz's fabulous kitchen

A cornucopia of curiosities will be coming with Caz to the Occasional Home Store

Wicker & Weft

Baskets are definitely in the category of “items you simply can’t have too many of” – they are just so useful. And they last – a toy basket can become a home for a yarn stash, a picnic or a pet! Since becoming a Mum, Mim English Morgan  founder of Wicker & Weft feels more aware of society's 'throw-away' nature. “I want to play a tiny part in preserving skills and teaching the value of using something beautiful with a story." Her traditional handcrafted goods are sourced from workers paid a fair wage; not out of pity, "but because their time and skills are worth it.” Mim's home is a 1960s bungalow which acts as the perfect neutral backdrop for her beautiful baskets.  Whilst there are big renovation plans in store for the future, I love how calm and serene it feels already.

Mim's beautiful bedroom

One of Wicker & Wefts gorgeous handcrafted baskets

Wicker & Weft's baskets in &Hobbs, another one of our exciting pop ups.

To see more details of all of our exhibitors hop over to our website www.occasionalhomestore.com and make sure to follow @occasionalhome to hear all of the latest announcements.  Over the next month I will be out and about sourcing more finds for my own Malmo & Moss stall and trying not to keep everything that I buy for myself instead #failedvintagemogul. Here are just a few of the things I have hunted out to bring along so far.

As you will notice from this picture the ladder from picture above is already looking very at home in my bathroom....

Beautiful 18th Centry entomology drawings 

Hope that has helped wet your appeitite.  Sally, Beth and me and my clammy hands very much hope to see you on the 9th of September when we open the doors of the Occasional Home Store for the very first time!  If you have any questions at all about the event please do drop us an e-mail at occasionalhomestore@gmail.com or DM @occasionalhome and make sure to check out our website www.occasionalhomestore.com

Malmo & Moss Meets: Lucy Whitehouse

I was thrilled when my husband agreed to a last minute holiday to Cornwall this Easter. First and foremost because it is one of my favourite places in the world but secondly because it meant I could sneak in a visit to the home of Lucy Whitehouse on the way down.  Her modern Scandi inspired house in Wells is one of my absolute Instagram favourites.  New to the blogging game I was hoping to turn up on Lucy’s doorstep rocking a cool, creative and vaguely Parisian vibe.  Unfortunately the M4 had other plans and after spending 2 hours in a traffic jam in a car with three small children I turned up instead desperate for the loo and rocking a look that was much more frazzled mum than French ingénue.  I also realised when I took off my shoes that in my haste to get out of the house, I had mistakenly pulled on some novelty socks my mum got me for Christmas that had flying pigs all over them.  So far so not Juliet Binoche.  Luckily Lucy was a lovely as her house so I will stop talking about my bladder and bad socks and introduce you to her gorgeous home instead.

After growing up in Edinburgh, going to University in Newcastle and moving to London as a graduate surveyor, Lucy ended up in Wells after meeting husband Paul at an army ball in Middle Wallop whilst he was both dressed as a woman (it was a Halloween Ball I should point out at this stage.) and wearing the same dress as the friend that Lucy was with that evening. Paul is excitingly a helicopter pilot, the kind of profession that action movies starring Tom Cruise get made about as opposed to banking law (my husband's chosen profession) which is more BBC4 documentary about the collapse of Enron territory.   

Their current home was built in the 1930s and used to be a farmhouse to a Dairy but had been badly redeveloped around the Millenium by owners with a penchant for mustard shagpile, peach wallpaper and vertical blinds.  Despite being initially put off by a weird layout and 1970s porn movie set decor, a combination of light spacious rooms and a location staggering distance from Well's city centre won the day and Lucy and Paul moved in just days after the birth of their second daughter.   

All traces of mustard shagpile removed, only "The IG Rug" from LaRedoute to sink toes into now

I loved the way Lucy had mixed the texture and patterns of her cushions

They quickly set to work renovating the place to produce a more family friendly contemporary open plan layout. During this process the name Fred and the date 1887 was discovered etched into one of the walls and, despite raised eyebrows from the builders,  Lucy has left it exposed to create a talking point in the downstairs loo.  I have to confess i didn't notice it when I burst in there to relieve my traffic jam bladder but that is probably because I was staring in horror at my airbound porcine novelty socks (note to self to ask Hexham branch of Fatface not to admit my mother during the sale as the socks join some cut price fingerless gloves I was also gifted which make me look like an alpine cross between Michael Jackson and Fagin).

The Ercolesque kitchen bench was one of my favourite features of Lucy's home

Despite the Victorian toilet graffiti, the house otherwise lacked period features so Lucy and Paul decided to embrace this and go for a light, modern Scandi look with white walls, pale floors and lots of light flooding in through the huge bi-fold doors in the kitchen/living space. The doors provide access to a lovely big deck and garden which is perfect for their two daughters Mariella (4) and Beatrice (2) to run around in.  Alas for Wells, Lucy has put her student streaking days behind her and whilst at one time she was regularly to be found sprinting starkers down Jesmond High Street after a night on the toon, these days she keeps her Middle Wallop firmly under wraps when out in the garden.   Growing up in the North-East I never managed a streak of Jesmond High Street but did nearly catch hypothermia of the fanny wearing an indecently short miniskirt on a night aboard the Tuxedo Princess in December.

Putting a brief flirtation with Shabby Chic behind her (well in the garage to be precise) these days Lucy is firmly a Scandi gal at heart with not a distressed pastel coloured piece of furniture in sight.  It is Scandi with a vintage/industrial edge though with e-bay and flea market finds looking right at home alongside the cool, calm nordic colours.  Inspired by an episode of Grand Designs that featured a house with climbing walls, secret passage ways and hidden passages ways for the kids, Lucy has tried to incorporate some of those fun touches into her house, with Beatrice getting a secret reading nook in her bedroom and Mariella a secret fairy kingdom under the stairs.   Although apparently Lucy's west country builders hadn't caught that episode of Grand Designs because the request for the reading nook met with the kind of reaction I would reserve for someone asking me to nail sanitary pads to their front door.  Lucy must have a better #KellyHoppenRestingBitchFace than me because she duly got her reading nook which makes Beatrice's bedroom a brilliantly fun space.

Lucy's favourite places to shop include La Redoute, Maisons du Monde, H&M Home, Rockett St George, Bath & West Flea Market, charity shops, Ikea, Ebay and MonPote Home in Bristol.  I think the Scandi gods must like Lucy because she seems to have managed to track down some really great Ikea finds which I swear have never graced the aisles of my Edmonton local. Although that was the store where someone lost their shit trying to bag a £50 leather sofa on opening day and stabbed another customer so maybe they dare not stock the instagram cat nip weaved baskets for fear of a shoot out.  

I need to find somewhere in my house to have this gorgeous hummingbird wallpaper. am wondering if pencilling footballs onto the beaks of the birds would mean i could sneak it into the boys bedroom

Whilst I was trying to look like Mario Testino (sans the camera skills, close relationship with the Royal Family and Peruvian accent of course) I asked Lucy to tell me a bit about her home city of Wells.  Pub quiz fact to be stored away, Wells is in fact England's smallest city  but instead of tower blocks and inexplicably complicated one way systems it has a beautiful Cathedral and a Palace with a Moat surrounding it. It was also the backdrop of the film comedy Hot Fuzz.  A term which I discovered when researching this piece that you should be very careful about googling unless you are keenly interested in the pubic hair of Brazilian porn stars as well as the cinematic back catalogue of Simon Pegg.  As the wife of a huge Hot Fuzz fan (to clarify am talking about the film rather than the Brazilian Porn Star pubes now)  I decided to keep this information under my hat so that our brief time in Wells was not spent trying to track down places where Simon Pegg duelled with murderdous village busybodies.   If we had been visiting in Summer I much preferred the sound of the openair cinema and theare events staged at the Bishops Palace.  

Oh hello parquet flooring of my dreams

Food wise, Lucy recommended a great sounding industrial style dive bar called Subhouse that has both great atmosphere and great burgers and helps her to feel like there is a little slice of London in her corner of the West Country.  I also liked the sound of  Da Luciano in Wells which is family owned and includes a welcome from Nonna with your Pizza.  It also apparently serves deep-fried dough balls, a dish which would almost certainly cause Deliciously Ella to have a gluten induced meltdown but which sound right up my quinoa averse street.  

Further afield Chez Bruce in Wandsworth is one of Lucy's favourites (it used to also feature on my friend's restaurant top 5 until her husband fell sleep mid meal when she was berating him about not putting enough effort into their marriage) and she also loves a pre-dinner martini in Dukes, the Mayfair bar where Ian Fleming allegedly decided James Bond would be a Martini Man.  Before children (BC) when Lucy was being romanced by husband Paul, Clos Maggiore in Covent Garden also used to be a firm favourite for French food in a magical setting full of trees and twinkly fairly lights.  It is also just around the corner from the Royal Opera House should you, unlike me, be able to sit through one without 2 minutes in wishing it was in English and about 2 hours shorter.

Lucy's bedroom style makes great use of a statement wallpaper and since I visited a new bed has arrived in the spare room so things are looking even more stylish.  Her dream holiday destinations when she can tear herself away from these lovely rooms include Cape Cod, Malyasia and Singapore with the Andaman on the Island of Langkawi being Lucy's absolute favourite hotel.  Having googled it I think it could become my favourite hotel too if I can just persuade Mr Malmo that a long haul flight with 3 young children would be an enjoyable experience instead of right up there with pulling his pubic hair out with tweezers as something he would like to do. 

Having popped my house tour cherry with the very lovely Lucy I said goodbye and went off to find the boys, wondering if I could get away with reprogramming the SatNav to detour past Bristol Ikea on the way to Bodmin without Mr Malmo noticing.

Malmo & Moss Sleeps: Lyme Regis

Malmo & Moss Goes Jurassic

The last time I went to Dorset I was 9 years old and spent almost the entire time in the garden of our holiday house racing snails with my sister.  I therefore can’t remember much about Durdledoor or the rest of the Jurassic Coast but I do recall that I found the Ferrari of the snail world who frequently reduced my sister to tears as he accelerated (in snail terms) past her slippery chap who badly needed an injection of snail steroids. This Easter, having put those heady snail racing days behind me, I returned to Dorest with my in-laws

Where We Stayed

We booked a great Air BnB about 5 miles away from Lyme Regis.  Kerb appeal wise from the front it was not exactly a stunner, situated across a narrow road from a working farm, operated by a farmer who would probably not have been chosen to front a Duchy of Cornwall campaign on account of having only 3 front teeth and more hair coming out of his ears than I have on my head.  It looked more the kind of place to be cordoned off by DEFRA for starting a foot & mouth outbreak than to feature in a soft focus segment on lambing on Countryfile.  However, the rear and inside of the cottage were a very different story.

Best viewed from behind, the cottage that is.

Once we got inside all thoughts of Foot & Mouth were forgotten

Wellies were helpfully left for us Down From Londoners

The Interiors

With 7 bedrooms in total (3 doubles, 3 singles and one with bunk beds) it was once two old workers cottages knocked into one with oodles of period features but decorated with a modern twist with great vintage, statement wallpapers and bold colour choices.  The real showstopper was the master suite which was painted a gorgeous dark green which had me mentally scouring a farrow & ball colour chart to work out which shade it was. Green Smoke was the insta consensus.  I wonder if doctors trying to diagnose dementia in middle class patients use some sort of system based on how many Farrow & Ball colours you can still name?

We won the coin toss for the master suite, the first and only time I have congratulated my husband on being a Class A tosser

Gorgeous light flooded in through the old crittal style windows

A vintage mirror wall never gets old for me

I would never have thought to go for a raspberry headboard but it worked so well against the green with the colour picked out in the picture tooo

I wonder if doctors trying to diagnose dementia in middle class patients use some sort of system based on how many Farrow & Ball colours you can still name? At the foot of the gorgeous raspberry coloured bed was a roll top bath with stunning rattan pendant lights hanging overhead.  Downstairs there was a lovely big dining table for family meals, a snug living room with woodburner and then upstairs there was another big family room.  If I had any criticism it would be the carpets which were obviously next on the list of jobs to do but in meantime added a weirdly fusty air to proceedings. 

The second bedroom, not too shabby either!

White with lots of great colour pops in the kids rooms

This was the lovely downstairs snug area with a woodburner and a massive stack of back issues of Living Etc

The main living room which was painted downpipe with the slightly retirement home carpets.

However, the garden more than made up for any carpet based disappointment.  It was huge and had a sea view over rolling fields (with the abundantly ear haired farmer often strolling past with a herd of sheep).  It had a built in trampoline and separate den area with two brilliant treehouses.  We enjoyed speculating Lloyd Grossman style “who lived in a house like this” and concluded that they were a London couple from the arts, possibly theatre designers, based mainly on the presence of several feather boas which, in truth, could equally have indicated they belonged to a burlesque troop.

Sunset and the occasional view of a hairy earred farmer

The brilliant kids play area

The drop from the ladders did cause a phew sphincter tightening parenting moments

Places to Go

The Rousdon Village Bakery

Anyone looking to book it should make sure to pack a pair of elasticated waist trousers in their luggage as it is a hop and skip away from the Rousdon Street Bakery.

The artist formerly know as Rousdon Petrol Station

Where the orgasmic bacon sandwich magic happened

Need i say more?

Bear with me when I say it is in a former petrol station, I promise it is not a case of perching on a disused petrol can whilst eating a stale Ginsters. It has been converted into a light modern space with big communal tables and serves, hands down, the best bacon sandwich I have ever tasted.  Served on fried brioche bread, I think it might have caused me to suffer my first bacon induced orgasm.  There is also a nice shop next door selling textiles and ceramics when you have finally concluded, for the sake of your coronary arteries that two bacon sandwiches in one day would be too much.  If you get a second wind you can also pop to the sister branch in Lyme Regis called the Town Mill Bakery. 

Lyme Regis

View from the Cobb

We loved the slightly old fashioned charm to Lyme Regis.  The sandy beach to the west of the town centre is overlooked by lovely pastel coloured beach huts and it is a great spot to grab some fish and chips from Herbies before one of you causes the RNLI to come and rescue the 11,151st person to fall into the sea whilst have a little French Lietenants Woman moment on the Cobb. 

Ryder & Hope

I also discovered a rather nice little interiors shop called Ryder & Hope at the top of the High Street whilst my son was blowing his holiday money on an allegedly pre-historic shark’s tooth.  It stocks a very insta pleasing mix of botantical inspired products, gorgeous textiles, candles and interiors books.  I particularly loved their display shelving made of reclaimed scaffold planks & copper piping. 

Never has a dusky beach bathroom suite looked so good

Clever coppoer pipe shelving solutions

Bridport Brocante

Further afield, Bridport and the Broadchurch featuring beaches of Burton Bradstock and Westbay are both worth a trip although the single lane A35 is prone to the type of slow moving tailbacks that may cause your children to ask what “cunting caravans” are.  If you visit Bridport on a Saturday it plays host to an open air vintage/flea market with all of the bric a brac shops also joining in which is located in the shadow of an old mill. 

This was my favourite stall

Loved this old dolly tub but not enough to try and persuade Mr Malmo to strap it to the roof to get it home

Soulshine Cafe

Having been tasked with finding a café for lunch whilst we browsed the market, the men unexpectedly came up trumps with the Soulshine Café (although they did later confess to also having brought sausage rolls from the Spa which was their preferred preference but for some unknown reason they thought might be mildly unpopular with us).  It had a lovely garden area, quirky furnishing and lots of games and toys to keep the kids amused. However, save room for a icecream from the Hive Beach Café on Burton Bradstock beach which is well worth braving the middle class bunfight for. 

The lovely outdoor seating area

I know it would be covered in banana within 5 seconds of coming through the door but I still lust after a pink sofa!

The SPA defintely wpouldn't have offered Kinfolk with the sausage rolls.

Burton Bradstock

Burton Bradstock beach is definitely worth going along the coast too.  It was used as a location in Broadchurch so is a good spot to go and close your eyes and pretend David Tennant is your husband, but it's real attraction is the Hive Beach Cafe which is justifiably popular offering a winning mix of great breakfasts, delicious cakes and ice cream from a hut out of the back.  Although prepare yourself for having to fight off middle class children called Freya who are trying to queue jump you in a bid to get a mango and pistachio sorbet first. The beach also comes with the added bonus of a National Trust Car Park which you can use for free and thus convince yourself that you have totally got your value for money from your £15 a month National Trust membership despite not having been near a Stately Home in 7 months.

Back at the holiday house once we had got the kids to bed of an evening we would settle down for a couple of rounds of traditional family favourite “In the Bag”.  As we headed home, sad to leave behind our contemporary coastal country pile, we were all left trying to erase from our memories my husband’s attempted mime of Julian Assange which involved leaping out from behind a curtain whilst thrusting his crotch and dangling a wire. Sexual assault allegations, diplomatic asylum and data leaks are, admittedly, a tough combination to act out through mime.

How do I book?

The property we stayed at is available through Air BnB.  

Malmo & Moss Meets: Belinda Fulton

When I was growing up I used to want to be a vet.  This was despite the fact that bovine animals kind of freak me out and so having to put my hand up their anus would probably cause me to have the kind of panic attack that Lawrence Lywellyn Bowen would suffer if you asked him to decorate a room without using any flocked fabric.  With that dream dead in the water I moved on to environmental law where ironically my first case involved defending a rogue meat renderer (aka the people who turn dead cows into dog food/soap/cleaning products). My real (bovine free) dream is, however, to open my own interiors shop selling Scandi/Vintage items against a backdrop of soothing whites and greys somewhere by the sea (not Skegness just to clarify). Bar the absence of ocean, Belinda Fulton’s shop Of Special Interest in Crouch End, London, pretty much sums up my dream.  Belinda agreeing to let me come and look round her house for my blog was, therefore, on a par with Ryan Gosling turning up on my doorstep and offering to give me a naked footrub (to clarify he would be the naked one in that scenario as not sure I would be able to enjoy said footrub if I was worrying what Ryan might be thinking of my overgrown lady garden and mum tum).

Since discovering OFSI 5 years ago, I think I have spent, on average, about 33% of my monthly salary in there. When on maternity leave, I seriously considered asking Belinda to erect an electric fence around the entrance to prevent me from frittering my meagre statutory maternity pay away on candle holders and gloriously realistic yet still reasonably priced faux foliage instead of nappies and baby wipes.

Belinda started off life in Malpas in Cheshire but has been a city dweller ever since leaving home at 18.  She is, like me, more of a gastro pub and café than fields and sheep kind of lady.  I start to get sweaty when I am more than 5 miles away from a café with a filament bulb, bare brick wall and flat white (I don’t actually drink them, I just like to know I am somewhere urban enough to serve them).  After studying textile design at Leicester (whilst secretly really wanting to do Fine Art), Belinda moved to North London with her then husband buying a flat and opening the shop together. It started off life as a junk shop selling a mix of auction house finds and their own possessions.  If I had sold my possesions age 24 it would essentially have been a shop full of Ikea crockery, posters of Kurt Cobain and Bob Marley (RIP Kurt and Bob) and a CD collection that lent heavily upon the work of 90s Indie Bands. Despite divorcing they still run the business together today, a fact I marvel at.   Running a business with my significant ex boyfriend would almost certainly have ended in me wanting to run over him in a tractor (as it was he was lucky to escape with my best friend just using his tooth brush to clean the toilet when we parted ways). Though, to be fair, it sounds as though Belinda has been tempted to reach for the tractor keys herself a few times over the years.  

These days she is happily married to husband Lewis (who, along with daughter Mack (18) she describes as the love of her life).  She spotted him in a bar over twenty years ago and plucked up the courage to ask him out, figuring she would be unlikely to be returning to that bar again so had nothing to lose.  Luckily he said yes and turned out not only to be a great cook but also a builder too.  He has carried out pretty much all of the renovation work on their house himself and is currently in the process of building them a studio in the garden.  Am thinking that I need to persuade Mr Malmo to swap professions if I want to progress my own Grand Design dreams.  Working in banking law he could whip me up a great loan finance agreement if I wanted to buy a shopping centre in Grimsby but a studio in the garden not so much. 

Belinda was living in a one bedroom flat in Tottenham at the time and managed to persuade Hampstead boy Lewis to leave the Heath behind and come and join her.  When Lewis was away on a work trip to Greece, a pregnant Belinda spotted their current house and loved the garden so much she put in an offer that day. She therefore met Lewis from the station slightly nervous about telling him that a) she had bought them a house and b) that said house was opposite the slightly notorious Broadwater Farm estate.  Luckily he took the news well and they have never looked back, loving living sandwiched between two beautiful parks and surrounded by warm, friendly people from all walks of life.  In fact I am wondering if I can borrow Belinda’s West Indian neighbour Hyacyinth who brings her a bottle of wine if she has had a bad day (unlike my octogenarian Jeovah’s witness neighbour George, who is more likely to pop round with a copy of the Watchtower and tell me that the world is about to end). 

Like all good wives skilled in the art of “Renovation Deception”, Belinda promised Lewis when he viewed the house that they would wait until after the baby was born and they had lived in the house a while before embarking upon any major renovation work.  Needless to say Belinda was still pregnant when she set started removing doors and demolishing a polysterene mock brick fireplace.  Over time a loft extension was added which is now Mack’s domain and, when Lewis finishes the garden studio, Belinda is looking forward to having somewhere to paint again.

What I loved so much about Belinda’s house is that whilst it is ridiculously stylish it is also most definitely a family home, with the stunning gallery walls that line the stairs mainly featuring daughter Mack’s artwork from age 3 onwards (Mack seems to be far handier in the art department than me though, a gallery wall featuring my early and, if I am honest, current artwork, might look like Morph had been let loose with a crayon after one too many Barcardi Breezers). Throughout the house there is a great sense of light and space as doors have been removed so that as you step into the hallway you can see straight through to the garden beyond and clever tricks like a glass panel on the stairs keep the light flowing through the rest of the house.

Although Belinda can never see them leaving Tottenham, if they were to move it would be down to their little place in St Ives (insert link)  which they head to whenever it is not rented out or perhaps to a warehouse in the Jewellery Quarter of Birmingham with it’s vibrant mix of old buildings and beautiful metal cladded armadillo type modern architecture. I feel like I should give Birmingham another chance as Belinda is not the only person to sing its praises to me.  I just have terrible memories of the environmental consultants conference I was forced to attend there 5 years ago where, inbetween talks about the latest developments in contaminated land identification (pointers it smells bad and your hair stands on end when you step on it) I was forced to watch two balding middle aged men called Colin and Andrew put on a medieval jousting display. 3 hours of my life I will never get back and the image of paunch straining to escape chainmail is still seared on to my retina.

Over the years Of Special Interest Interiors has grown from a junk shop into the interiors gem it is today, taking over two neighbouring shops as their owners moved on and then the annex behind when it came up to rent. Lewis has also joined the business, taking on many roles, including, on occasion that of Judge Judy if the Of Special Interest Exes are locking horns.  In the shop, Belinda is inspired by the Dutch look of muted colours mixed with gorgeous natural textures but I love the fact that nothing is too regimented and it is very much not the kind of shop where entering with a buggy causes the owner to pull a face at you like they have just accidentally chewed a 3 year old piece of bubble gum. 

As a fan of concept stores that mix interiors with fashion, gardening and other lifestyle products such as Daylesford Organic, Belinda would love, if she had the space, to be able to offer something similar in Of Special Interest Interiors (although without the hefty price tags found at Daylesford along with hordes of chauffeur driven Range Rovers and women called Clarissa Fortesque-Bowles-De Montfort-Hedges). Having fallen in love with some gorgeous Spanish jewellery at a recent Trade Show, Belinda may yet dip a toe into Daylesford waters or, alternatively, if it doesn’t sell, be turning up at work like Crouch End’s answer to Mr T (if Mr T favoured delicate Catalan crafted jewellery in muted colours).  When she is not in the shop, Belinda loves both Instagram and Pinterest and enjoys following both interiors and artists accounts.  Favourites include Cornish Artists like Kurt Jackson and Gareth Edwards, the interiors photographer Paul Massey (whose holiday home in Mousehole I have a stonking insta crush on), Hans Blomquist and Sally Denning (whose other account Black Shorestyle is also one of my all time favourites).

Local places Belinda likes to eat out include the Banc Café in Downhills Park minutes from their house.  Our kids love this park as it has a mini roadway for scooters and bikes that they can zip around whilst you tuck into Union Coffee, big breakfasts and roast lunches. Although Belinda is a veggie (having grown up as the daughter of a butcher and being put off meat by early encounters with offal and other dubious offcuts) if Lewis is missing meat they go to The Westbury in Turnpike Lane or The Maynard in Crouch End, both of which do great burgers.  Down in St Ives favourites include it’s Porthmeor Beach Cafe,The Alba and Porthminster Kitchen.

As well as letting me look round her amazing home, I must also take this opportunity to thank Belinda for having introduced me to the wonders of Primark pleather leggings. I spotted her wearing some on a previous visit to her shop and was delighted to discover they were £6 from Wood Green Primarni rather than £600 from Armani. Their ability to make me feel a little bit like Chrissie Hynde whilst also being wipe clean have made them a “Rock Mum” wardrobe staple (even if my husband never fails to ask if my legs have been abducted by Doreen from Birds of a Feather when I wear them).

Whilst it may yet be a few years before I am Open All Hours (as a shopkeeper that is) drinking tea and chatting with Belinda in her lovely garden has helped keep my dream alive.  I now just need to convince Richard Branson instead of spending billions trying to fly Clarissa Fortesque-Bowles-De Montfort-Hedges and pals into space he should, instead, be investing his cash in my coastal modern rustic interiors empire.  Failing that, maybe the shop will have to be in Skegness rather than Salcombe.

Moving into the Malmo & Moss House

My love of interiors was sparked around the same time I met my husband.  Not because he was a stylish bachelor with great taste in cushions.  On the contrary, he lived in a room in a shared house with 3 other men who had so little in the way of soft furnishings that it looked like they were constantly waiting for a knock on the door from a Baliff.  I still have recurrent nightmares about the bathroom bin that overflowed with "sticky" tissues and the army of pubic hair that marched towards you whenever you turned the shower on.  No, the love affair began after he took me home to meet his parents for the first time.  His mum runs her own vintage interiors business called Hellish Designs and it was a bit like discovering that Kelly Hoppen is your mother-in-law (with a great eye for vintage instead of a resting bitch face).  

I nearly proposed on the spot to my husband when I saw this room at his parents house

The strong mantelpiece game genes don't seem to have been passed on to Mr Malmo....

So many gorgeous corners to choose from

And lovely spots to sit in

By the time we bought our first place together 3 years later, I was an avid reader of Living Etc and a regular attender at vintage fairs like Newark and Lincoln and itching to ditch my husband's extensive collection of black ash furniture from his student days and decorate our first flat together.  And it definitely needed decorating.  We bought it from a slightly eccentric older lady who lived there alone.  It was a one bed flat but, when looking around, she cheerfully informed us that her guests never minded sleeping down in the cellar on a campbed. Am not sure if her guests were escapees of Joseph Fritzl who were just glad she left the door unlocked but we always found ours preferred the sofa instead.  We put a new kitchen and bathroom in, spruced up the garden and gave thanks every day that we woke up and the flat hadn't been burnt down by a fire started by the pottery kiln of Julie, our elderly upstairs neighbour who was constantly churning out ceramics that looked like the private parts of a Giraffe (think Ghost but with Demi Moore's Grandma playing the lead role....).  Bar an incident where we woke up one morning to discover a human poo and some some soiled trousers on our doorstep (my brother-in-law who was staying with us at the time still denies being the 'Doorstep Shitter'), we had a very happy 3 years in the flat.   In 2009, we found out we were expecting our first son so started looking to swap the flat for a house.

This is the kind of house I had in my head when we started looking

Nantucket tastes with a Nandos budget.......

In 2009, we found out we were expecting our first son so started looking to swap the flat for a house. With Balham by then having upgraded its Budgens to a Waitrose and sightings of people wearing red trousers and boat shoes having been reported, it quickly became apparent that houses in SW12 were out of our price range.  I started to read the Homes & Property section of the Evening Standard as avidly as a teenage boy did Zoo or Nuts magazine and eventually alighted upon the area of Winchmore Hill.  A place which approximately 1 in 372,089 Londoners have actually ever heard of.  I would like to say that we came on extensive field trips to assess the area, honed it down to a few preferred streets and made close links with local estate agents.  The truth is I popped over there once for a cup of tea with a friend  and strayed no further than 50 metres from the station. We then came back one Sunday together and bought the first house we saw. 

Cherry blossom on the Green (and a phone box that smells like the inside of a tramps's underpants).

The Kings Head Pub, the Beverly Hills of N21 on a Saturday night.

Sadly this beauty is not our house which is a few notches down when it comes to kerb appeal.

I think what helped us to make such a quick decision (apart from the fact there was a baby imminently about to come out of my vagina) was the fact that the house had period features, 4 really big bedrooms (some others we had looked at would have been considered cramped even by a hamster), and a large garden.  It did have a slightly dated kitchen and a conservatory on the back that looked like it had been nicked off the set of Brookside, but we figured we would sort those out in due course.  Well, in truth I figured that.  Mr Malmo would probably still be happily catching the sun in Sinbad's suntrap being slightly more renovation averse/sensible than I am. After several twists and turns along the way, we finally got the keys three weeks before the baby was due.  Six years, three kids and two sets of builders later, it no longer looks quite as much like a filming location for Brookside (unless Sinbad has developed a taste for modern architecture after watching a few episodes of Grand Designs).  Tune into future blogposts to find out more about our renovation journey (to borrow a phrase from X factor) and the results. 

Sinbad's Suntrap is no more

Goodbye conservatory hello cantilevered corner

I got the fridge of my dreams, let's gloss over the fact that it only has capacity for 2.5 fish finegrs at any one time

Copper pipe taps, causing builders to roll their eyes since 2012.....

Malmo & Moss Diary: Camel Toe on the Camel Trail

Camel Toe on the Camel Trail

When I was 18, I cycled the Camel Trail with my ex boyfriend who liked mountain biking, bodybuilding, pimping his Fiat Punto and listening to hard house dance music.  As somebody who enjoyed none of those pursuits, it was fair to say that we were fairly ill matched as a couple.  The kind of bike I enjoyed riding had a basket and I didn’t really like going round corners on it, let alone down bumpy hills.  My abiding memory of the excursion was not the stunning scenery but of riding along thinking “fuck off cocklord” as he shouted at me to cycle faster.  I was not, therefore, in any particular hurry to revisit the Camel Trail.  Given I am married to a man who is about as enthusiastic about cycling as most men are about catching chlamydia, I thought it was a pretty safe bet that I would not have to.  However, we have a six-year-old son who loves his bike and can now read pretty darn well. So when we went to Padstow for fish and chips and he spotted a leaflet about hiring bikes to cycle down the Camel Trail, I knew the jig was up.

These pretty aquamarine numbers were sadly not our bikes, which of the more "practical" variety

The first challenge was working out the permeation of bikes that would enable one cycle mad six year old, two not especially competent adult cyclists, one not yet cycling four year old and a baby to make it from Padstow to Wadebridge and back.  The answer was one kids' bike, one adult bike with a baby seat and one adult bike with a ride on attachment for the four year old that made it look like a cross between a penny farthing and a tandem. Sleek streamlined peleton we were not.  The second challenge was finding a cycle helmet that would fit my abnormally large head.  It doesn’t look that big to the naked eye, but when you start trying to put a helmet on it quickly turns out to be the size of an enormous pumpkin.

Exhibit A: Cycle Helmet perched atop my Mahooosive Head!

Having finally found something to accommodate Pumpkin Head, we popped the baby on the back of my bike to which he reacted about as calmly as a death row prisoner being invited to take a seat in an electric chair.  Hoping he would like it more once we got moving, we set off down the trail. Within 200m, it became quickly apparent that my ears were not the only thing that were going to be aching by the end of the ride. The Berlin Wall was still standing the last time I wore a pair of cycling shorts so when getting dressed that morning I had gone with the next best thing: a pair of denim dungarees.  However, it turns out that the reason Laura Trott does not wear dungarees for a lap of the velodrome is that they give you an acute case of camel toe on a bike.  

Cheer up darling, it could be worse; you could have flange ache like Mummy

With a bad case of flange ache developing and the baby still howling like a hyena, my six year old very sweetly rode alongside us to try and distract his baby brother from his two-wheeled misery.  Unfortunately, he tried to do so by holding his hand which caused his front wheel to get caught in our back wheel and him to go flying over his handle bars. Only 10 minutes into the ride and with three out of five of us now howling in agony, we decided to stop for a break.  Luckily this being Cornwall you are never more than 50m away from some kind of product containing clotted cream, so we were able to refuel and regain our equilibrium with a quick artery clogging snack of fudge from a beside the road bicycle snack stall.  

Clotted Cream Ahoy!

Can't imagine why Team GB are not whizzing round the Velodrome in this get up which Mr Malmo described as CND Protestor meets Mike and the Mechanics

With the baby having downgraded his protests from completely furious to just occasionally grumpy and the injection of clotted cream having taken my mind off my front wedgie, I started to actually enjoy the ride.  The trail is an old railway track that runs alongside the river so there is no need to worry about bumping into cars and the scenery is genuinely lovely with lots of little boats bobbing in the estuary and plenty of lush greenery shading the path.  Our four year old loved being on the tag-a-long on the back of his dad's bike and before we knew it we had made it to Wadebridge, our halfway point.  It is definitely not your picture postcard Cornish village but it has lots of quirky shops and an independent feel to it that makes it a bit like a Cornish Camden!   

Bradley Wiggins could probably have cycled from Lands End to John O Groats in the time it took us to get back to Padstow but then again Bradley doesn't have to keep hopping off his bike every 3 minutes to retrieve a dummy.  But we made it in the end and would definitely recommend it for a fun family day out.  Just make sure you pack clothing that has a higher lycra than denim content.

Want to try it too?

We hired our bikes from Padstow Cycle Hire and it worked out at about £55 for a half day.  Obviously will be cheaper as a family day out if you have a more sensible number of children than us.  We were able to just turn up and hire them on the day although in height of summer may be sensible to book in advance.  There are also several cycle hire places in Wadebridge such as Bridge Bike Hire should you want to do the trail the other way round.

Malmo & Moss Sleeps: The Sheepshed, North Cornwall

Our week in the Sheepshed on the North Cornwall Coast

When our Easter holiday plans fell through just a week before we were due to set off, I didn't have very high hopes of finding a replacement or at least not one that wasn't a condemned caravan in Rhyll.  But just as I was punching North Wales into the Sat Nav and setting off to buy some Calor Gas, a desperate last ditch phone call to the holiday company Forever Cornwall paid off.  They had a property available and a pretty amazing one at that: an eco friendly conversion of an old farm building set in a small hamlet located just inland from the stunning coastline of Bedruthan Steps. Judith Chalmers clearly had my back. We arrived on a gloriously sunny evening after a journey that had involved listening to a Basketful of Kipper more times than is advisable for anyone wishing to hold onto to their sanity and stepped out of a sweaty Audi estate and into the Cornish holiday home of my dreams.  In that fantasy I can wear a wetsuit without looking like a garden slug, have hair that doesn't look like I borrowed it from Adam Ant in coastal conditions and can swim in the sea without my unusual breaststroke style causing the RNLI to launch a lifeboat. 

Significant upgrade on that condemned caravan.

About the house

The Sheepshed has been converted from old agricultural barns by the TV architect Charlie Luxton (think a more surfy version of Kevin McCloud) and his simple design superbly maximises its location in an area of outstanding natural beauty.  A series of huge picture windows make the most of stunning views of the garden and the fields beyond. We got a bit competitive about who could take the best sunset pic (we have 3 kids, this is how we get our kicks these days...). The kids were naturally more captivated by the massive internet enabled TV that allowed access to Netflix and Amazon Prime.

Mr Malmo's sunset picture efforts

Think we can agree mine takes the prize right?!

The interiors

Inside there is not an anchor, seashell or nautical stripe in sight, The muted interiors draw heavily on natural materials and the palette of inky blues, mint greens and soft greys have a calming Nordic edge to them.  I was going to describe the style as a Nordic Pine but realise that sounds a bit too much like a fragrance of toilet duck or a car air freshener.  Everything has been kept deliberately simple to avoid taking away from the views and it works to great effect. 

If I had any criticism at all (without sounding like the person on trip advisor who claims that a chipped toilet roll holder ruined their £10,000 holiday) it would be that the lighting in the living room is perhaps a little bit on the stark side. Even my husband (who can usually be relied upon to mock my penchant for "soft lighting") agreed that the two lighting modes on offer were basically "interrogation room" or "dentists chair".  But that is a very minor quibble and to be honest I could quite happily have just turned all the lights off and just watched the sunset most nights.

The ombre curtains had me wondering whether I could dip dye mine when I got home.

The Local Area

Within 15 minutes drive of the Sheepshed are the beaches at Bedruthan Steps and Porthcothan.  We loved both for different reasons.  Bedruthan Steps is a big, dramatic beach that could easily be mistaken for a slice of coastline on the Great Ocean Road in Australia.  If, like mine, your kids are the type that enjoy testing the robustness of your pelvic floor by scaling big rocks this is the beach for them as there are both lots of rocks (big and small) to climb and caves to explore.  There is a National Trust Cafe at the top of the cliff that looks and smells a bit like Dot Cotton's front room but which serves up great bacon baps and cream teas with an option for eating outside.

Bedruthan Steps beach.

Rocks galore

Mr Malmo loves a good spray shot.

Porthcothan is an altogether different type of a beach and, although it lacks the intial wow factor of Bedruthan, was our favourite.  The first plus point in its favour is that you can walk straight onto it whereas Bedruthan requires you to navigate down 100+ steps.  With a buggy in tow, this can feel like you are unwittingly taking part in the type of physical challenge Royal Marines undertake to earn their green beret.

Despite the easier access, most days we practically had it to ourselves and it's large flat expanse of sand was perfect for playing football and cricket on.

It also has lots of great nooks and crannies carved from the cliffs to explore. 

Although the thing the boys enjoyed the most was playing cops and robbers in the sand dunes fronting on to the beach.  

Fresh from pretending to abduct the kids and lock them in "jail", we would pile into the beach cafe, Porthcothan Bay Stores, which is tucked just behind the dunes and stocks all sorts of lovely Cornish treats (like sausages rolls from the Chough Bakery and Roskillys Icecream) with interiors that are a lot less like Dot Cotton's front room.  You can even order a flat white without someone laughing at you.

How do I book?

We came home with grand (and completely unfunded plans) to buy the near derelict old chapel just across the road, renovate it and move down there lock, stock and barrel. The slightly more affordable way to get back to this slice of heaven more quickly is to book it through  Forever Cornwall.  It is available to rent on its own or with the neighbouring, larger Sheepfold. Race you down there?